“You will never be fully resigned to the will of God if you are troubled by human opinion of you, or if you make of yourself a little idol of what people say.
You cannot be hurt by men. You cannot be hurt by devils. You can only be hurt by self, your own pride and the violence of our desires. Your self is the greatest devil of all.”
-Michael Molinos
Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. (James 1:13-15)
Over several nights I had recurring dreams about being given various objects to carry, things like brown shoes, musical notation paper, a rose etc. I was told in the dreams that I would need these things later. None of this made sense to me and I remember asking (still in a dream) what I needed them for.
The answer came, “If I tell you where I am going with all this, it will remove the element of faith.”
I knew then it was the Lord.
I think sometimes Abba doesn’t give us a detailed itinerary for the journey ahead because it is the act of taking a risk that enables Him to demonstrate His faithfulness -and really, the element of faith is all about His faithfulness and not our own ability to drum up vast amounts of confidence in a desired outcome or “happy ending.”
Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God (active living rhema word). Sometimes that active, living word of God is simply, “Open the door.”
Real change threatens the familiar and messes up our landmarks, but we can’t grasp the future until we let go of the past. The abundant kindness of Jesus Christ teaches us the joy of surrendering the good in the interest of the best.
My daughter had this conversation with her three-year old recently.
“Mom, we don’t know what it feels like to be dead. That’s because we have never been dead before so we don’t know how it feels, and then if you are dead you can’t tell anyone because you are dead….. but maybe we could ask the flowers because they die every winter so they know how it feels…. too bad they don’t have mouths, or they would probably tell us.”
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.
Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” ~CS Lewis
I kept dreaming about waterfalls. All night. Tumultuous white water splashing over boulders. Surges of deep sweeping forces drawn over precipices.
Now you need to understand that for years I had a phobia for waterfalls. Strange, I know, when there are so many other options available for things to be irrationally afraid of –spiders, heights, speaking in front of crowds, public toilets, goats, turning left…
In the dark years I had many nightmares about waterfalls and about falling in and being pulled over the edge. I knew even then that waterfalls represented feeling out of control emotionally. In real life I avoided them.
Lundbreck Falls, Winter
I met a woman who had fallen over Athabaska Falls as a child and survived. She told me how she decided to face a life-long fear of the falls and revisit them. After considerable therapy, she stood trembling near the edge. Just then a child came running by and tripped right in front of her. She lunged forward and grabbed his leg as he was about to go over the edge. What are the odds? (It was actually a very healing experience for her.)
As I regained health the phobia lessened to the point where I could go to a waterfall and take photos –usually from the bottom, but eventually from the top. So the dreams about waterfalls surprised me.
In the dream I asked, “What is this?”
The answer came back, “Peace like a river.”
I woke up.
“Oh no, no, no. Peace like a river is a calm blue sky river with no ripples but the ones stirred by my paddle,” I said.
Kootenay River
As I asked the Lord about these images I felt Him say in my spirit, “Peace is not conditional on external circumstance. There is as much of My peace available in white water rapids as in a lazy meandering river. A waterfall is still a river. A giant cascade is still peace like a river.
Could it be there is as much peace available in the midst of emotional upheaval as there is in emotional calm? Jesus was not afraid to express emotion. He experienced righteous indignation to the point of turning tables, anguish to the point of sweating blood, and elation to the point of glowing –yet He was always the Prince of Peace. He could sleep in a boat in the midst of a wild storm because He knew who He was.
I believe now that it is possible to experience peace even in the midst of whatever circumstance we find ourselves in. When Jesus Christ lives in us, and we in Him, He shows us who we really are and how to live in the Peace that passes understanding.
Charis: Subject to Change 