Subject to Change

Sometimes I read things I wrote with such passion years ago –and cringe.

I’m not the same person I was then, or even a week ago. I am changing.

Being aware that written words flung into space have an indefinite life-span, I am wary of attaching my name to any opinion that ends with a click. Jesus did mention that someday words spoken in secret would be made public. The  Wiki leaks poignantly remind us that words typed, spoken or signed may all be piling up in some cosmic file somewhere where there are no passwords, avatars or pen names.

So I’m wondering, given the weight of this responsibility, what I should write. Or not write. I’ve uttered some pretty stupid stuff in my time. Every once in a while, though, I’ve passed on a useful tidbit to another sojourner on the road -but only because it’s a patch of road I’ve already been down -sometimes several times. Some trips worked out well and others…

Sometimes I am merrily dancing down this road when I catch the gleeful possibility of a new rabbit trail in my peripheral vision (where most creative stuff happens.) Sometimes I come out ahead. Sometimes I emerge, scratched, bug-bitten and humbled ten miles back from where I was distracted. Then I get to experience the same lesson all over again.

Sometimes I am merrily dancing down the center of the road when I am attracted by a pretty new idea blossoming on a bush on the verge. After a time, when the thorns from that bush clutch at my freedom I pull away so hard that I land in the soggy boot-snatching mud in the ditch on the other side of the road.

It may take a while to find the center again.

Then again, I have noticed a tendency in people who constantly worry about being in the center to make the road much narrower than God does; it’s hard to dance on a tightrope. I intend to make use of the whole road and dance, plod, saunter and holy roll (if I feel so led) into my God-given destiny. Tiny “c” conservative is not a compliment if it means burying your one talent in the ground for fear of making a bad investment, nor will making a grand ta-dah dismount from the balance beam of life, after decades of clinging to it with all fours, impress the judge all that much.

I have not arrived, and as the Bible says, “It does not yet appear what we shall be.” I have not arrived, but I would like to leave some bright ribbon trail markers from time to time, if it will help followers conserve shoe leather and take them farther than I have gone.

So, I am subject to change, by the grace Jesus Christ pours on me, because sometimes I’m wrong -and I’m learning to admit it- and he gives me more chances to get it right. I am subject to change because God has created me to be something I haven’t fully realized yet, although he does realize it and probably is not nearly as discouraged by my flubs as I am since he is not limited by the constraints of living on a timeline. He knows the end from the beginning. I am subject to change, because one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind I press on to the mark of the high calling of God, and the more I get to know him, the more I love him, and the more I want to change.

12 thoughts on “Subject to Change

  1. Sherilyn

    I came across your blog in praying for you son-in-law. After I read the posts about him, I kept reading your other posts. And tears kept falling. Thank you so much for sharing your heart, for being real, and open.
    Your son-in-law was like a brother to me in our late teen/early young adulthood years. I consider him my best ever male friend. He was an usher and sang at my wedding. The fact that he chose your daughter means she must be very special indeed. But reading your posts; of course she is special for having had a mom like you. My family is standing in prayer with you. As a busy homeschooling mom, I don’t read a lot of blogs anymore. But I am subscribing to yours. Thank you.

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  2. Pingback: Subject to Change | @PaulWaters

  3. Dear woman of God ~ thank you for following Wellspring of Life. Best of all, thank you for this beautiful picture of your heart journey written above. I think we are winding our way down the same road…right into the heart of the One who loves us too much “to leave us as we are” yet is so patient with bringing forth His image within us. Such a pleasure to virtually meet you, Charis Psallo! ~ Gracefully Free

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  4. Heather Beckett

    Hi Charis! I found a beautiful picture of the headwaters of Columbia River online with a link to your site. A group of women and I are traveling to the headwaters in pilgrimage this spring. We are fundraising, and would love to use this image in our materials. Are you open to this? Thank you for considering. All blessings, Heather

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