Category: Uncategorized

Is This Not the Carpenter’s Son?: When people won’t let you grow up

On By Charis PsalloIn Uncategorized2 Comments

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This is crazy, but it’s true. You know it is. Sometimes the same people who demand that you change are the ones who erect fences around you when you try to change. With their mouths they say “Change!” but with their actions they say, “Change back!”

This is the biggest reason prophets are not welcome in their own towns.

Sometimes this is the reason young adults move to distant cities, why marriages break up when one partner replaces unhealthy habits with better choices, why promotions skip over the person who is actively trying to prove they are more diligent than they used to be, and why people who are are growing spiritually find they need to leave their old church before they can walk that out.

They are all surrounded by those who demand change but don’t make room for it.

Change is messy. Most people want order and predictability in their relationships. Say, for example, people are used to Molly showing up late, so they tell her the meeting starts at 7 o’clock. When Molly shows up at seven for an event that actually starts at eight, it’s embarrassingly inconvenient. How dare she change?

I did something like this to my husband. As long as I have known him he has ordered his steak well-done. Very well done. We have family jokes about burnt offerings and bovine charcoal on a plate. When we were at a friend’s house for a barbecue I told the grill master my man liked his steak on the edge of charred. I didn’t feel I needed to ask first; I had observed his taste for years ( although steak’s appearance on our menu is an increasingly rare event).

When the platter of steaks arrived at the table my husband said, “I would like the rare T-bone please.” The look of horror on the host’s face as he saw his rare steak land on another person’s plate broke my heart. The exchange of glances between the cook and I, when we realized one of us would have to take the black thing was almost a moment for tears. He felt like he just wasted an expensive cut and I felt betrayed and embarrassed.

The discussion in the car on the way home was the kind of loud one that occurs between couples on the brink of a course change. (I gave up the opinion-less “submissive wife” thing a decade before when I realized it nearly killed me – and our marriage.) His final point (which I did listen to) was, “I am trying to change, but you won’t let me. You think you know me so well and make jokes about my ways but when I try to change you want me to change back so you don’t have to adjust.”

Ouch. But he was right.

How we relate to teenagers is also a good test of how we make room for change. The primary job of adolescents is to discover who they are. Adolescents are frustratingly self-centered because they are supposed to be; they have a job to do – work on themselves. A conciliatory, conforming, unquestioning teenager is merely delaying the process. (I didn’t go through adolescent defining of myself until my thirties – at the same time as my kids. Awkward moments abounded.)

Since a teenager doesn’t yet know who they are they are constantly trying on new roles and personas to see what fits. The only thing they know for sure is that they are not their parents. If you are the parent of a teen in transition hold your most valuable ideals close to your chest because everything is subject to sifting in this process. More than one mother has heard herself say, “I don’t know who you are anymore!” Neither do they.

Our job in leading teens is to set safe, healthy boundaries while providing latitude and unlimited love at the same time -like God does. (No one said it was easy.)

A person growing into their identity in Christ is in a transition phase his or her whole life. Ideas developed in times of selfishness, or fear, or unempowered self-sacrifice, or zealous idealism based on faulty foundations need adjustment. Pride can get in the way of transformation, but, alas, so can the people who know you best. Friends, neighbours, colleagues, relatives, and bosses make their plans based on assumptions that some things, however annoying, are at least consistent .

When Jesus showed up in his home town after stepping into his full identity as the Son of God with demonstrations of power his former neighbours were shocked. Perhaps they also felt embarrassed or betrayed or even disoriented by his unexpected behaviour.

“He [Jesus] came to His hometown and began teaching them in their synagogue, so that they were astonished, and said, ‘Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers? Is not this the carpenter’s son? Is not His mother called Mary, and His brothers, James and Joseph and Simon and Judas? And His sisters, are they not all with us? Where then did this man get all these things?’

And they took offense at Him.

But Jesus said to them, ‘A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown and in his own household.’

And He did not do many miracles there because of their unbelief.” (Matthew 13:53-58 NASB)

“Is this not the carpenter’s son?” Oh, the burden that one phrase carries.

Is this not the son of the guy who sued everyone in town?

Is this not the daughter of the young mother who dropped out of school at 15?

Is this not the one who is always late?

Is this not the quiet submissive wife who never speaks up?

Is this not the Sunday School teacher who bores everyone to death?

Is this not the crazy guy who lives for the weekend keg party?

Is this not the critical church elder who disapproves of everyone and everything?

Is this not the whining woman who always has something wrong with her?

Is this not the well-known TV evangelist with the iffy theology?

Is this not the son of our enemy?”

“Don’t mess with us! If you change we will have to change. Our opinions painstakingly formed over time will be invalid. Change back!”

If you are seeking to hear the Holy Spirit as he shows you the way the Father sees you, if you are changing as a result of allowing the way you think to be transformed to align with the mind of Christ, don’t be surprised if the folks who were once your greatest supporters are not thrilled at first. Change in you requires change in them. It’s uncomfortable.

If you are encouraging others to step into their destinies give them room to grow. Be flexible. Rejoice with them, especially if they surpass your own progress. They are the new agents of grace in your life and you are now subject to change.

 

 

 

 

 

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Lift

On By Charis PsalloIn Photography, Sky, Uncategorized2 Comments

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“We must learn to live on the heavenly side and look at things from above, to contemplate all things as God sees them, as Christ beholds them, overcomes sin, defies Satan, dissolves perplexities, lifts us above trials, separates us from the world and conquers fear of death.”

– A.B. Simpson

It’s easy to see sin, satanic influence, perplexities, and trial after trial. It’s easy to listen to the voices pointing out that we are not taking threats seriously enough, that we need to listen to the world’s point of view and ramp up the fear motivation.

It’s easy to respond to suggestions with “The problem with that is...” It’s easy to look for escape routes and to distract ourselves with entertainment or bury ourselves in denial.

It’s easy when that’s the way we’ve always responded.

And how is that working for us?

What does God want to do instead?

Jesus lives to intercede for us. He never stops. How is he praying? What is his perspective? How can we join in his plans? How do we access the provision of joy he has set aside for us?

Lift up your heads, O gates!
    And be lifted up, O ancient doors,
    that the King of glory may come in.
 Who is this King of glory?
    The Lord, strong and mighty,
    the Lord, mighty in battle!

(Psalm 24:7,8 ESV)

 

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Grace Like Rain Pouring

On By Charis PsalloIn Flowers, Photography, Uncategorized2 Comments

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It’s raining. Again.

This may be the coolest, wettest July I have experienced in years. Our grandchildren are here and we have not been able to hike or go to the beach even once. The sun comes out and by the time we get our act together it’s raining again.

Now when you live in the middle of thousands of hectares of fuel in the form of forest summer rains are usually welcome – except when you want to go to the beach with the kids. This is unseasonable. Different.

This morning I read about an explanation of the Greek words of a phrase in Romans 5:20 – “but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more.” The tense here means sin that is continually increasing. It also means grace that is continually increasing exponentially more.

Grace upon grace upon grace…

This has been a week where we have seen sin increase. Shootings, riots, the murder of innocents, the fall of trusted leaders, the exposure of faulty foundations, division, exploitation, panic…

It’s horrible actually. To all appearances sin is increasing and there is nothing we can do about it except (as some propose) to await for for evil to gain so much control over the world that God will zap his people off the planet and leave the rest to their own devices.

The good news is: grace is also increasing – faster and bigger. He has plans for our good. He is not defeated.

(And no. I do not define grace as license to sin so let’s just get that out of the way right now. Grace is the means by which we are changed to become fully who God intended us to be.)

I asked the Lord (trying not to use my pouty voice), “What’s with all this unseasonable rain? At the moment it is so loud on the roof it’s drowning out our conversation about how terrible the news is today.”

Then I hear a line from a song:

“Hallelujah! Grace like rain falling down on me…”

 


 

Thank you, Lord! Grace in abundance like showers that keep coming and coming and coming is available when sin in abundance keeps coming. But grace is greater. Greater than evil. Greater than despair. Greater than pain and loss. Grace that is greater than all our sin.

When we are tempted to return hate for hate grace enables us to return good for evil. The fruit of the Spirit has to be a supernatural response from heaven or it is merely more human effort. And seriously, how have our own efforts been working for us in this season?

It’s time to turn from our own methods, access the grace for change that flows from the throne of God. It’s time to see the salvation of our God. This is the season of abundant rain.

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God has more for us than we can ask or even think.

Just ask.

Come What May…

On By Charis PsalloIn Black and white, Just folks, Photography, Uncategorized5 Comments

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I have heard a song in the night. Abba (Father God) sings over his child.

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may…

(From “Come What May” Songwriters David Baerwald, Kevin M Gilbert, Rudy Amado Perez)

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Ask, and it will be given to you;

seek, and you will find;

knock, and it will be opened to you.

For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone?

Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he?

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!

(Matthew 7: 7-10 NASB)

Our heavenly Father sings over you. Can you hear Him?

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Give Me Understanding

On By Charis PsalloIn Photography, Uncategorized8 Comments

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I know now, only one summer later, why this outdoor bench was on sale. I need to scrape it down and re-paint it already.

At first it fit the landscape plan perfectly. Now? I really need to paint it.

Sometimes the Lord gives us places to sit and enjoy the scenery on this spiritual journey and they are good places to settle – for a while. Sometimes we discover, when the paint chips off, that we need to get up and pursue a closer relationship with God, a better understanding, a sturdier orthodoxy and more effective orthopraxy that can handle new situations we encounter.

I overheard this discussion between sisters, one three-years old and the other seven-years old.

“I came out of Mommy’s tummy!”
“No. You came out of her uterus.”
“Tummy!”
“A stomach is for digesting food. You couldn’t have been in her tummy or you would have come out like poop.”
“I am not poop!”
“That’s because you grew in her uterus not her tummy!”
“Mommy said! I was in her tummy and you were in her tummy too!”
“Uterus. Or sometimes they call it a womb, but it’s not a tummy.”
“Mommy! Daisy is lying!”

I’ve seen a lot of discussions between Christian adults take a similar turn lately. When we are learning the basics of life the knowledge that babies come from mommies’ tummies is profound enough and a good place to settle. There is grace for that level of understanding when we love and respect each other. There is also grace for people who have settled on the next bench, and the next, however temporary those positions may be as they continue to journey.

You should have seen the expression on my grandson’s face after his dad told him how babies got in there. “Oh Grammie, it’s nasty! Just nasty! You wouldn’t believe it!”

Some information is too heavy for toddlers. It’s hard enough to hear when you are school aged – or even grandmother-aged. But you can’t avoid that knowledge forever, and it’s best you hear it from parents who are vested in your long-term well-being.

Simple explanations are good enough for babes in faith. Some people are happy to settle there indefinitely and will insist you agree with them. The explanations they are contented with are not untrue (tummy can be a pretty general term), but there is more to be learned in time. When the Lord teaches me something new I am sometimes shocked. I feel unsettled, unsure. I don’t have a grid for it. There is a period of letting go of old incomplete concepts to make room for things I just don’t get yet. For a person who has had trust issues and accepts change slowly this can be a challenge. What do you mean it’s a little more complicated than what I thought?

As the Lord is giving me a more in-depth picture of his holiness and the utter horror and ugliness of sin and how it leads to death, he is also giving me an increasingly overwhelming picture of his majesty, grace and a love I cannot comprehend. It’s a shocking paradox that only makes sense when viewed from where he sits. This requires some adjustment to my thinking. It’s too massive a concept to grasp all at once.

You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
(Psalm 139:5,6 NLT)

I want to understand more. I need much better insight. How can God continue to love people who reject him and hurt each other? How can I do that when I’m disgusted by my own attitude sometimes, let alone the attitude of people who hate me for not agreeing with them? How do I love? What IS love, anyway?

This morning I pray with the cry of the Psalmist:

Let my cry come before you, O Lord;
give me understanding according to your word!
Let my plea come before you;
deliver me according to your word.

and

The unfolding of your words gives light;
it imparts understanding to the simple.
I open my mouth and pant,
because I long for your commandments.
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
as is your way with those who love your name.
(Psalm 119: 169, 170, 130  – 132 ESV)

I don’t understand, but You do, Lord. I trust You.

 

Maybe I should use a hardier paint on the bench this time.  Boat paint?

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Solace

On By Charis PsalloIn Flowers, Photography, Uncategorized6 Comments

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Do not forget Your promise to Your servant;
through it You have given me hope.

This brings me solace in the midst of my troubles:
that Your word has revived me.

(Psalm 119: 49, 50 The Voice)

With Endurance and Calm

On By Charis PsalloIn Fields, Photography, Sky, Uncategorized4 Comments

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On this day, three years ago,
-I didn’t know where my elderly father was and if he had been evacuated from the senior’s home beside the river,

-my sister-in-law had to wade through water to get to her patients at the hospital,

-my brother, cut off by wash-outs, refused helicopter rescue and stayed to help neighbours whose property was crumbling into the raging Cougar Creek,

-my son’s family’s home and vehicle was under eight feet of water and sewage after the Highwood River changed course and the berms meant to protect the town center redirected water into his neighbourhood 3 kilometers away,

-I was in Edmonton on the other side of the mountains from my husband with washed out bridges and roads between us,

-our daughter’s family couldn’t get back to their home in Alberta for the same reason,

-the familiar landmarks of my childhood in downtown Calgary were submerged,

-and soldiers drove tanks down the Queen E II highway on rescue operations.

 

That day this verse meant a lot to me: When you face stormy seas I will be there with you with endurance and calm; you will not be engulfed in raging rivers. If it seems like you’re walking through fire with flames licking at your limbs, keep going; you won’t be burned.                         (Isaiah 43:2 The Voice)

On this day, three years later, I can say God has been with us with endurance and calm. We were not engulfed. I have hope and an even stronger sense that God is good.

Thank you, Lord, that when we are on a difficult or lonely road you have already placed provisions we will need there in advance. We just need to look to you to see the bigger picture.

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I, I, I count my blessings

On By Charis PsalloIn Flowers, Photography, Uncategorized2 Comments

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This song is playing in my head this morning. “I Count My Blessings.”

As the sun dawned on me (lying in bed but awake far too early) the thought dawned on me: You know, life is pretty good when your fret quotient is filled with worries about stuff and lack of storage space.

I have stuff.
I have a beautiful family.
Our children are excellent parents.
Our grandchildren love and are loved.
I have friends around the world with whom I can connect in the Spirit.
I have a Saviour who brings me into the throne room of the King of Kings and Creator of the Universe.
I have the Holy Spirit who lives in me and reminds me of songs about counting blessings.

And I have an old CD of the Nylons that I found again after one of my kids hid it twenty years ago because I played it on every road trip.

 

Freedom Training

On By Charis PsalloIn Just folks, Photography, Uncategorized10 Comments

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As the reflections of our pride upon our defects are bitter, disheartening, and vexatious, so the return of the soul towards God is peaceful and sustained by confidence. You will find by experience how much more your progress will be aided by this simple, peaceful turning towards God, than by all your chagrin and spite at the faults that exist in you.
– Francois Fenelon

A few years ago, when he was a wee lad, a child I know and love was becoming accustomed to the concept of both freedom and taking increasing responsibility for his choices. I watched him as he encountered one of the first steps to maturity: potty training.

Spiderman underwear was fun to wear and all, but sometimes the burden of getting up and walking away from the sandbox or the Lego blocks when he was in the creative zone was too heavy. Sometimes you don’t know what your limits are until you’ve passed them. And he passed them.

We noticed (eventually) that in moments like these the little guy disappeared. We went looking for him. His daddy called and called but he made no response. Finally, following his nose, his father found him hiding, sometimes in the closet, sometimes behind the furniture, sometimes behind the drapes.

You see, part of the problem was that he had an older sibling, a sibling who taunted him with, “You’re in trouble now! Wait until Daddy gets home! You’re in for it.”

Daddy was perhaps disappointed, but not angry. He understood the weakness of little boys. He did not expect perfection in the learning stages. He wanted his son to succeed and he loved this little boy with a love so big he would have laid down his life for him. Poopy pants was not a deal breaker.

I realized one day that this is often our reaction when we fail to live consistently with changes we want to make in our lives. Like the wee lad we run and hide in shame from the only One who is able to clean us up and set us back on our feet in a refreshed state. Sometimes we sit alone in the closet in poopy pants for days, or even years,  avoiding the very One who offers us mercy and forgiveness. Our heavenly Father loves us so much. He is not surprised by our weaknesses but wants to help us gain freedom from stinky habits by showing us a better way.

Lately I’ve been aware of older sibling-type people who get out their social media megaphones and preach the bad news of “Wait until Daddy gets home! You’re in for it now!” For some reason they are surprised when people don’t run in the direction they suggest. Instead of encouragement older brother-types tend to heap on larger and larger piles of shame that keep those who cannot keep up to standards hiding in dark places.

Jesus Christ says, “Come to me if you are weak. Come to me if you find the burdens placed upon you too heavy. Come to me and I will give you rest and peace in your lonely souls because I am meek and lowly of heart.  I am willing to get down to your level and put my arms around you and love you just as you are, poopy pants and all. Let me clean you up. There is so much more I want to show you! Let’s do this together.”

It’s called grace. Amazing grace.