“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” -Jesus
“You’ve been to Bethlehem. What does it look like? What kind of feeling did you get about the place?” a friend asked last week.
Bethlehem feels like… like… conflict. It feels like a conflict of emotions -joy and sorrow, a conflict of the old and new, a conflict between rich and poor, a conflict between heart-felt devotion and burdensome religious ritual, a conflict between God’s loving acceptance and mankind’s hateful rejection. It is the place where hope and fear still meet.
How could I explain it?
“Here,” I said. “I’ll send you some photos I took a few months ago.”
These are some of them:
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. (1 John 4:7)
*Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled* -Charles Wesley
There is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. A relationship can only be restored when there is honesty on both parts. We can offer forgiveness to people who have harmed us, but if they do not acknowledge a need to be forgiven, the relationship is not healed. The same goes for the forgiveness God offers us. If we do not admit our need for forgiveness and insist on a no-fault clause in our settlement, there is no actual reconciliation. Our hearts will remain unchanged. Peace is the result of an honest response to God’s mercy.
Wash me and I will be whiter than snow. (Psalm 51:7b)
Sometimes rest is one of the attributes of God we find most difficult to understand. He is at rest. And He wants us to enter His rest.
To be honest, I find one of the most difficult things to do, especially in crisis, is to rest. I’m not just talking about sleeping, which I am notoriously bad at, but about resting spiritually, like a soothed child in my papa’s lap, trusting him to look after me, and waiting for his instructions. Some of the worst messes I have created have been when I’ve tried to control my anxiety by “doing something.”
Today my dear friend is in the ICU after emergency surgery. Again, I feel the frenzied urge to “do something.” Again I am snapping at my husband over trivial things, knowing full well my anxious thoughts are the cause, and not his human foibles. Again I hear the still small voice telling me to enter His rest, to give my time and attention to the One who loves my friend more than I do.
Resting my heart and mind in Christ, entering His presence with thanksgiving and allowing His peace to stand guard is like feeling the gentle snow calm my anxious thoughts, cool my embarrassing temper, and hush my worries. It’s about trust.
Don’t worry over anything whatever; tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God which transcends human understanding, will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)
Like Snow
This song has been going through my head like a prayer today.
This has been a week of severe testing. I got a new computer.
I had to hot-wire my old one to get it started and the speaker jack only worked if I spoke to it very kindly reinserting the plug, honestly, up to fifty times to find the magic connection, then taping it there quickly before it disconnected again. Like an old person who complains you never come to visit them (when you just spent the whole day sorting their mail) and who speaks only of the past, its memory was not accepting new information or keep up with the times. It took frequent naps in the middle of our conversations.
My husband bought me a new one. Together with his nephew they worked all summer to put together a super-duper package with graphics boards and memory capacity beyond anything I’ve known before. It’s fantastic.
I just don’t know how to use it.
The new updated programs they put on don’t look anything like the old ones. I don’t recognize this Photoshop. My songs written in Finale have pretty little hearts all over the clefs instead of notes. My poetry and articles and collection of quotes and blog ideas are all on a drive in the country somewhere and my photos open in a window with a strange vista I’ve never seen before. Apparently my email is disavowing all knowledge of me as well. My bookmarks have disappeared, my iTunes is gone and I am forced to recall all my passwords. For a technophobe this week has been a nightmare. I feel so incompetent.
I lost my peace there for a while. I tend to take it out on my poor husband and blame him for inventing the computer, but he loves me and has my best interest at heart. He sees greater potential for the things I have been using a computer for than I do sometimes. (His generosity is astounding. He also bought me a new camera this summer after I dropped my old one.) I keep having to ask for his help, and sometimes, like the good teacher he is, he just tells me to go away and play around with it until I figure it out myself. (Grrr)
I was belly-aching to my daughter (who is a professional photographer and who promised to teach me how to use the professional level Photoshop) and she reminded me, “Give thanks in everything, Mom. It’s the way back to peace.”
She gives good advice. As I adjust my attitude to thankfulness and rejoicing I am beginning to see how this new computer is going to be such a blessing. But it’s like getting a promotion that requires a period of adjustment and leaves me feeling vulnerable. The panic has started to subside, and I’m becoming a little more reasonable and able to figure things out a bit.
God uses our weaknesses better than our strengths, sometimes, because when we feel most incompetent we are most willing to ask for and listen to his advice. It’s a good thing.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.
Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-17)
And I figured out how to process a photo I took down by the river this week into a black and white version using the new computer and a new program. God is good.
Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (James 3: 13-18)
Charis: Subject to Change 