Tag: spiritual growth

Seasoned with Grace

On By Charis PsalloIn Photography9 Comments

 

IMG_7691 galilee spice mart ch crop

I find languages fascinating. Why is it that some languages have big fat dictionaries and some have thin? Why do some people need more words than others?

A woman I knew who worked for an international charity learned after one year in language school that she was being assigned work in a different country. Most people would have groaned and been upset with time wasted. She was relieved.

“That language has no polite words!” she said, exasperated. “There is no please, no thank you, no sorry, no kind way to express sympathy. I will be glad to move on.”

In the next language she studied greetings took ten minutes. “And how is your father-in-law? Are your she goats pregnant? Is your second nephew well? And your third nephew, is he well?” Since she is a people person she was much happier and didn’t find these rituals cumbersome at all.

I stayed with my daughter while she was living on a tiny Caribbean island. I never got used to the accepted phone etiquette there.
Ring.
“What you want?”
“Oh, um, hello. I hate to bother you, but is Tina there please?”
“Tina not here.”
Click.

The first time I used the phone I thought Tina’s father was an angry man. Then I discovered nearly all the people born on the island spoke the same way, even in the marketplace. They had no problem with it. They wondered what was wrong with me.

My husband spent some time in the deep south of the United States as a guest lecturer. “Not only do they talk slowly, they act like they’ve got all day. They’ll tell you story after story and offer more drinks until you can’t hold it anymore, then they will finally say what they intended to when they offered you a seat,” he told me when he got home. “Great folks, but how do they ever get anything done?”

“What did they want to tell you?” I asked.
“That I am too blunt with the students and I need to be more sensitive.”

I laughed. My parents both spoke English but they came from cultures with different communication styles. In my father’s hometown no one broached the subject they came to talk about until the second pot of coffee was on the stove or until a hand was on the door knob on the way out. My mother’s ethnic background required a person to make their point quickly and clearly so a person could get on with their work – and there was always work. Dad thought Mom’s family was shockingly blunt. Mom thought Dad’s family was frustratingly long-winded. (I take after my Dad, but I can switch and be ruthlessly direct when under pressure.)

Mom, bless her heart, set herself to the task of learning “tact.” It was not a skill that came naturally, especially since she didn’t understand why some people took offense so easily. “She asked me if I liked her new hat and I said it looked silly on the side of her head like that. It made her head look crooked. I straightened it for her. Well, she asked me. Did she want me to lie? She didn’t have to go off in a huff!”

Mom meant well.

There are two sides to communication: what was intended and what was perceived. If only they were the same.

I’ve run into people who really have to work at understanding that other people perceive differently. Whenever I hear them start with “I don’t have time to say this nicely so I’m just going to say it,” I know it’s time to raise the shields. Incoming! Sometimes “I don’t have time to say this nicely” means “I don’t know how to say this nicely,” and sometimes it means “I can’t be bothered with going to the effort of caring about your feelings.”

They may have meant well. Or they may not. The message could have been a valuable one, but it was lost in translation either way.

Then there are people who enjoy getting a rise out of folks. Their words are intended to be like pokes, or even like the rash thrust of a sword. They are meant to provoke an angry reaction, because to them, an angry reaction is better than no reaction at all.

Then there are those who go on and on and never notice polite smiles starting to droop or eyes furtively checking watches. The message is as lost as a misfiled book in a four story library. (Sorry about that.)

Words seasoned with grace have the hearer in mind. Speaking with grace means honouring the hearer, taking the time to consider how they perceive the message and bringing healing to a heart. It’s about love. Grace usually is.

Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. (Colossians 4:6 NASB)

There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword,
But the tongue of the wise brings healing. (Proverbs 12:18)

A gentle answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.
The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable,
But the mouth of fools spouts folly. (Proverbs 15:1,2)

When is Sex Not About Sex?

On By Charis PsalloIn Photography, UncategorizedLeave a comment

bride groom wedding ch rs

I’m posting a link to the article “Sing to Me” (click here) because it has come up in conversations several times this week.

When is sex not about sex?

God will use powerful, evocative (and even embarrassing) imagery that we understand on a personal level to communicate truths.

 

Say Three Nice Things

On By Charis PsalloIn Photography, Uncategorized2 Comments

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When our children were young, squabbling and tattling drove me nuts. He said… but she…and then he said…

I’d try to listen and straighten things out.

And then someone played the trump card – THAT’S NOT FAIR! Every. Single. Time.

No matter what I said, the atmosphere, which could have been perfectly cheerful only moments before, suddenly filled with anger, malice, slander, and curses. SELFISH! STUPIDHEAD!

We decided that the children themselves needed to learn to give honour and respect to their opponent, even if they disagreed. That’s where the three nice words policy started.

For every insult or negative word spoken against a brother or sister we asked the children to say three nice words about them before regaining privileges. Every protest of “But Mom, he is so…” doubled the required nice words.

Now when you are really mad at your brother it is hard to come up with three nice things to say about him. Sometimes it took a period of thinking about it in their room and they had to dig deep. You are good at tying your shoes.

After a while I realized I needed to say more nice words myself – especially after the toddler told someone he thought his middle name was Stop-it.

Words can change atmospheres. When we come in the opposite spirit we avoid getting sucked into the vortex of tit-for-tat nastiness. I changed my words from “How could you be so careless?” to “You are learning more about how to pour milk. Let’s try again.” The result was a better attitude in both of us.

I read through some of the posts on my usual social media sites today. These posters are my “friends.” Some of them are learning more about how to disagree respectfully. But honestly, sometimes I feel like going all Big Mama on them and telling some writers that now they need to say three nice things about the politician, the preacher, the journalist, the bus driver, the pharmaceutical companies, the pipeline workers, the other denomination, other party, other country, other province, other gender, other orientation, other team.

We can talk about what we believe, that God is love and that he will take care of all our needs, but if we have nothing kind to say and merely squabble and tattle to other people or try to guilt them into taking up our cause by shouting THAT’S NOT FAIR! we demonstrate that we don’t really believe in His ways. We forget we can talk to him about our problem (especially if it is caused by the choice of someone else.) We act like scared victims left to our own devices, in this case, electronic devices.

What we truly believe shows up in our words and actions when things don’t go our way.

So here’s my challenge. Discussing ideas is one thing. Tearing down people is another. If you have neglected to bless the person or institution who has you so riled up and you have posted negative things about them, say three nice things about them. (Do it on you own page — very few will read it here.) You can change atmospheres.

If you can’t think of three kind words, you have a bigger problem than they do. You might need to go to a quiet place and think about it for a while.

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”  – Jesus

Outside the Lines

On By Charis PsalloIn Photography, SkyLeave a comment

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Don’t assume that God will always work in your life the way He always has. A sunset is proof that God colors outside the lines. He has no status quo. Even the laws of nature are His to interrupt. As many times as you’ve prayed before, today may be the day when God sends the answer so swiftly-so divinely-that you’re windburned.
– Beth Moore

Bigger

On By Charis PsalloIn Mountains, Photography, Uncategorized, Winter6 Comments

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It is madness to wear ladies’ straw hats and velvet hats to church; we should all be wearing crash helmets. Ushers should issue life preservers and signal flares; they should lash us to our pews. For the sleeping God may wake someday and take offense, or the waking God may draw us out to where we can never return.
– Annie Dillard

Keeping the Peace

On By Charis PsalloIn Trees and forests, Uncategorized, WinterLeave a comment

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You will keep the peace, a perfect peace, for all who trust in You,
for those who dedicate their hearts and minds to You. (Isaiah 26:3)

One of the most frustrating positions in the world to be in can be that of “middle management.” It’s that place where a person feels like they carry responsibility for other people’s actions without enough authority to fix things.

Here is what I am learning: If God has given you an area of responsibility you can trust him to give you authority and provision in that area. We have access in Christ to the very throne of heaven.

If he has not given you authority in this, it is probably not your job. You will lose your peace if you keep striving to do something you were not asked to do. Don’t steal another person’s joy of discovery of the goodness of God by standing in their place.

Disturbing the Present

On By Charis PsalloIn Man made, Photography, Uncategorized2 Comments

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There is no improving the future without disturbing the present.
-Catherine Booth

The lot across the street from my mother-in-law’s apartment building is a mess. A gaping whole exists where the bank used to be because, one dark night, the old empty Leamington  Mansions burned down. When she heard about about plans architects and engineers have to fill in that space with a higher, more modern luxury apartment and shopping complex she was worried about losing her view, but right now she has a view of a huge muddy hole surrounded by burned rubble.

I don’t always look forward to change, especially when it’s noisy and messy and disrupts my life, but if it weren’t for change we would still be living in powerless, cold, makeshift huts on dirt streets with knee-high horse droppings in the middle of the road.

Something is up. I feel it. Spiritual growth sometimes means building  and sometimes it means trusting God and letting go of the familiar. A lot of other people I talk to also feel a holy discontent with ways of thinking and doing that have, until recently, been perfectly good – or good enough. Letting go of the past before we have a firm grasp of the future is scary.

The Leamington Mansions building was charming, but empty. It sat next to a little branch bank building which couldn’t handle the high traffic of the downtown area of a major city. It looked more like it belonged in a suburban strip mall than on Jasper Avenue. It’s time for change.

I have had dreams of crowds of street people, of women and children, of First Nations people, of marginalized people leading the edge of a great wave of souls who discover freedom, forgiveness and joy in Christ. They won’t fit in the structures of the past.

What if there is more? What if God has bigger plans? Has he given you a view of the future? What do you need to let go of first?

Foggy Day

On By Charis PsalloIn Photography, Uncategorized, Winter7 Comments

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We were kind of disappointed. The weather report promised blue skies and temperatures warm enough to keep the roads bare and dry. With a whole day off and an open road before us my friend and I drove to Creston, British Columbia to pick up a bed. Of course we brought our cameras. The thought of mountain peaks glistening in the sun and the wonderful long valley views had us all excited.

We left early and assumed the early morning fog would soon burn off when the sun rose fully above the mountains. By the time we carefully drove into the village of Moyie without yet seeing the lake the twisting road follows we knew this was not merely a foggy morning. It was going to be a foggy day. The roads were dry and bare, but we still had to slow down because of the poor visibility. This was going to take longer than we thought.

After we loaded the bed in the van we walked around a hilltop farm which usually has some of the most beautiful views in this part of the country. But not today. My friend and I talked about how we both took up photography as an exercise in a new way to see. It’s easy to take photos when the light is right and the scenery is marvellous. Looking for beauty on a dull, dreary day requires one to look more carefully. But there is always beauty somewhere. Sometimes it’s only to be found in the reflection of sky in a junkyard puddle. Beauty requires the open eyes of a a beholder.

She pointed out the little blue birdhouse to me. I pointed out the silver-roofed barn to her. The more we looked, the more we saw.

 

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Being thankful is like that. This morning I woke up in pain. I had that dismal foreboding feeling that this is going to be a disappointing day. I gave up trying to sleep and toddled stiffly to my desk. I answered some emails and listened to music while looking for a song for someone.  Unexpectedly that act lifted my spirits as the cheerfulness of bluegrass  poured out of the speaker, still turned down low so as not to disturb my husband.

As I look out my window diagonal pink clouds of dawn streak the sky as if they have some place to go today. The kettle is boiling and soon there will be a mug of hot freshly ground and brewed coffee sitting beside my keyboard. I am reminded there is always something to be thankful for.

Some days we are overwhelmed by beauty and wonder. Some days we need to slow down and look for it. But there is always, always something to be thankful for.

 

 

Now What?

On By Charis PsalloIn Photography, Uncategorized5 Comments

Perplexed

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These are my ear buds for the iPod that holds my precious music. This is what they look like when I go to use them. Tangled. No matter how carefully I set them down, they end up in a convoluted wad. Every single time. (It may have something to do with sending them through the laundry process tucked in the pocket of my jeans, but hey, they still work.)

This phrase caught my attention recently:
“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair…” (2 Corinthians 4:8 ESV)

The apostle Paul wrote this to people he was urging to make changes. They needed to learn to relate to others based on love. These changes would transform the way they “did church.”

Did he say “perplexed?” (Actually he said aporeo which apparently means not knowing which way to turn, or how to decide, or being stymied about what to do — or to be perplexed.) The word perplexed comes from the root idea of “through entanglement or intricate entwining.” Like my earphone cord.

But I thought Paul was the one who had it all together, the one who had a direct line to God and always knew what to do.

Apparently not. Apparently he, and the ones who ministered with him were, on occasion, perplexed. But not driven to despair. He humbly acknowledged that they were like fragile flawed jars of clay because God chose the weak of the world to make sure people knew it was Jesus Christ and not them who was the source. For the sake of the gospel they were willing to live in that uncomfortable place between well-that-didn’t-work and what-now-?.

For someone who wants a firm handhold in the future before taking the next step into the unknown this is both discouraging and encouraging. Discouraging because not even spiritual giants like Paul had all the answers and encouraging because not even spiritual giants like Paul had all the answers. He was willing to endure being perplexed the way he was willing to endure affliction and persecution and hardships – out of love. Someone told me that if you want to receive Jesus’ promise of peace that passes understanding you need to understand that you won’t always understand.

I find myself in that uncomfortable in between place. A while ago I took a step of faith into unfamiliar territory as I am learning about hearing God’s voice for myself and leaning more on Him for wisdom and discernment. I stopped going to the traditional services under the steeple on Sunday morning. (I didn’t leave the people because they are my brothers and sisters in Christ and family is family. You can’t divorce brothers and sisters, but I have discovered that’s the assumption many make if you aren’t in the pew for that hour and a half a week.) I felt the Lord was asking me to step back for a time to gain a broader perspective. He wanted to show me something, a bigger picture of what he means by The Church that I couldn’t see inside a section of distinctiveness protected by administrative berms that sometimes don’t let fresh water in or stale water out. I’ve met a lot of sincere followers of Jesus here outside the berms and I am not without fellowship, but it’s not comfortable place.

Yes. He has shown me a lot. My eyes have been opened – but I can’t talk about it.

I can’t talk about it because, although everybody sees the problems in other denominations or fellowships, nobody likes being told they have parts missing on their ship. And every isolated group has parts missing. We all have holes.

We are like a town that has learned to live with the smells from the pulp mill and frequent serious collisions on that really bad corner by the bridge but still believe our community is the best because we have a new state of the art hospital and our team won the cup last year. It’s not all bad. There’s really good healing stuff and stuff to cheer about and really stinky stuff and even dangerous stuff. It’s just tangled.

You can’t repent of sin you don’t acknowledge and lately I have been facing the challenge of untangling ideas and separating truth from false beliefs in my own life. Repentance means exchanging the way I think for the way God thinks. I have parts missing on my boat, and having that painful fact pointed out has also been a part of this process.

Now I’m perplexed. I’m standing on a point on the road where I do not yet see a clear answer, and I don’t know where this is taking me. The now-what? point. The point of asking over and over, “Did I hear you right?” Are these ear buds working?

But there is more. I know in my knower that God knows what he is doing. Every day I meet another person with the same desire – to know Christ more deeply. Everyday I read about someone on a similar journey of hope.

Perplexed, but not driven to despair.

And because the Lord is relentlessly kind he brought a song by Misty Edwards and Paul Moak to my attention. The lyrics, in part:

Can’t pretend that I am blind
Can’t go back and erase the mind
Naivety and wide-eyed wonder are far from me
But at least now I see
It’s like I’m walking on a tightrope
Stretched across the universe
Way too high to go back from where I came
Overwhelmed at the miles I’ve yet to tame

I’m too far in to turn around now
And I’ve got too far to go to sit down now
Too far in, too far to go…

 

I know, I know You’re with me
You surround me, You surround me
Your invisible hand is around, around
In this uncomfortable in-between
Where I’m too far in to turn around now…

–Misty Edwards and Paul Moak, Little Bird album, Forerunner Music, 2014

 

Pedestal Perching

On By Charis PsalloIn Animals, Man made, Photography, UncategorizedLeave a comment

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One of the commonest causes of failure in Christian life is found in the attempt to follow some good man whom we greatly admire. No man and no woman, no matter how good, can be safely followed. If we follow any man or woman, we are bound to go astray. There has been but one absolutely perfect Man on this earth-the Man Christ Jesus. If we try to follow any other man we are surer to imitate his faults than his excellencies. Look to Jesus and Jesus only as your Guide.
– R. A. Torrey

I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn from great heroes of the faith from the early church fathers to contemporary writers, podcasters, preachers and conference speakers. I honour them. I quote them. I pass on what I have learned from them. But I don’t put them on a pedestal or follow only one person. That’s not fair to them, and it would be dangerous to me.

When I quote someone it does not mean that I accept everything they have ever said or written. The freedom to exercise the discernment Christ gives everyone in whom he lives is far too precious to surrender, but I do value truth when I hear it.

We all need to learn and sometimes that means living with incomplete concepts and trusting that more mature people may have a grasp on paradox and aspects of Christian living for which we do not yet have a grid. There is grace for that, and humility makes room for trust. Sometimes, however, we are prone to looking to public figures instead of looking to Jesus Christ for our answers.

For many years people, especially women, were given the impression they were not educated enough or spiritual enough or had enough authority to respectfully ask questions. Many have not been in a position to reject teachings or practices that didn’t line up with what the Holy Spirit and the scriptures were revealing to them. If they dared they found themselves rejected.

No one knows the perfect truth but God, but even if they did they still wouldn’t lord it over anyone. That would attract attention to themselves and distract their audience from being Christ-centered.

If you are coerced into obeying a church leader who doesn’t permit honest questions or any thoughtful disagreement, that’s not the mutual submission the Bible talks about. It might be time to get your eyes back on the One who sets you free. It might require you to forgive, bless, and move on.