Paper Roses

paper roses def

On my way out of the gardening shop I spotted these roses near the door.

“Wow! Are they real?”

They seemed too good to be true. They were –too good to be true, I mean. As soon as I felt them I knew they were paper. Pretty though.

I drove home singing an old Loretta Lynn song I used to hear crackling out of the plastic  radio with the big gold dial that sat on top of Grandma’s fridge when I was a kid.

Paper roses paper roses oh how real those roses seem to be
But they’re only imitation like your imitation love for me…

That got me thinking about the nature of deceit and manipulation and feigned love. In the cold greyness of spring that doesn’t feel like spring, those paper roses were beautiful and you know, I can appreciate them just fine –until the real thing comes along.

We joke about our tendency in Canada to be more polite than some other cultures. Honestly I grew up thinking it was normal to say sorry to the person who bumped into you with a grocery cart. It’s not heart-felt, but it does ease tensions and keep the traffic flowing in the produce section.

Someone told me the story of watching a woman trying to purchase a can of pop at a convenience store with a fifty dollar bill. The cashier took it but didn’t even look at the bill as he said, “This is fake.” The woman left the money  –and the Coke – on the counter and dashed for the door.

My friend asked how he knew it was fake.

“I’ve been handling money all day, every day, for years. When you are familiar with the real stuff the fake stuff is obvious.”

There are a lot of people in the world who have no idea what real love feels like. They mistake politeness, tolerance, gratitude, warm fuzzies, lust, familiarity, loyalty, manipulation…all manner of things, for love.  They have never been the recipients of true, unconditional, self-sacrificing love.

Here’s the thing. You can’t give what you have never received.

It is so easy to be critical of prickly people  -the ones who are difficult to feel affection toward, or manipulative people –the ones who prod you into serving their own priorities with large dollops of honey on that stick. My son calls them EGN people. Extra Grace Needed.  I believe that is one of the reasons why believers are to band together like a family. You can pick your friends, but God assigns family because we need practice learning to love EGNs, and also to experience being loved ourselves by those who can discern the real from the counterfeit and demonstrate the difference.

Very few new family members come with 70 years of wisdom. Very few church members start off as sanctified lovers, and some, like irritable, contentious old uncles sitting down at the end of the Thanksgiving table take much longer to get there than we think they should. It takes time –and just because a person recognizes an ideal doesn’t mean they are skilled in the practice of it. It’s not about tolerating hypocrisy; it’s about needing grace to grow.

Sometimes the best demonstrations of love some people can offer are like paper roses because that’s all they know. I wonder if, rather than reject the imitation item, we need to smile and accept politeness or tolerance or even well-intended criticism graciously –then return  genuine love we have received from God by being willing to lay down our lives for people who have never truly known love before. Lord knows we all need some grace.

“It’s easy to say “I love God,” but genuine love reflects God’s love. If we belong to God, then we will love each other regardless of how hard love is.” (Note on 1 John 5 in The Voice version)

This is the embodiment of true love: not that we have loved God first, but that He loved us and sent His unique Son on a special mission to become an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:10)

Everyone who trusts Jesus as the long-awaited Anointed One is a child of God, and everyone who loves the Father cannot help but love the child fathered by Him. Then how do we know if we truly love God’s children? We love them if we love God and keep His commands. You see, to love God means that we keep His commands, and His commands don’t weigh us down. Everything that has been fathered by God overcomes the corrupt world. This is the victory that has conquered the world: our faith. ( 1 John 5:1-4)

Save

Save

How Wide

Cowboy Trail wide ch

And may you have the power to understand,

as all God’s people should,

how wide,

how long,

how high,

and how deep his love is. 

May you experience the love of Christ,

though it is too great to understand fully.

Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power

that comes from God.

(Ephesians 3:18, 19)

The Risk

Bennie the Labradoodle
Bennie the Labradoodle
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.
Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” ~CS Lewis

How High

Height
Height

And may you have the power to understand,

as all God’s people should,

how wide,

how long,

how high,

and how deep his love is. 

May you experience the love of Christ,

though it is too great to understand fully.

Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power

that comes from God.

(Ephesians 3:18, 19)

 

 

 

Sing to Me

 

bride groom wedding ch rs

Sex stories in the Bible

God is not nearly as prudish as some of His followers are and He doesn’t avoid metaphors and imagery that make us uncomfortable. The Bible uses plenty of  stories, polite and impolite, to get a point across. English translators tidied up some of the scatological and sexual terms, but the situations are still there. (My Grandma once said if you read the whole Bible to a kid there wouldn’t be much left to tell them about sex, but a whole lot of ‘xplaining to do about why it’s not meant to be a manual.)

Some of the prophets were way out there when it came to being politically and socially correct. Jeremiah didn’t exactly hold back on his descriptions of Israel as a whore. God had his sold-out guys with eyes and ears use some pretty provocative performance art in their attempt to get His message across. Ezekiel’s mother must have rolled her eyes sometimes. I don’t imagine it was easy to parent Isaiah or John the Baptist either. (What do you do with a son who prefers grasshoppers to your brisket and wears that stinky camel skin when your friends drop by for tea?)

Sometimes a prophet’s whole life became the metaphor. I feel sorry for Hosea who was told to love a hooker who didn’t love him back. And I do believe he had a true love for her, sent from the Father and placed in his heart, that drove his life-as-metaphor.

Allured

One day, while waiting for my kids, I picked up a Bible someone left lying on the car seat. For years I found the Bible had been about as exciting as a phone book to read, but this time the words I saw on the random page stood out as if they were in neon lights. That  hadn’t happened much before that day, but that time there was no doubt in my mind Himself was talking. I read:

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
Bring her into the wilderness
And speak kindly to her.
“Then I will give her her vineyards from there,
And the valley of Achor as a door of hope.”

It made such an impression that later I looked up ‘Achor’. It meant ‘trouble’. Great.

I read more of that second chapter in Hosea:

“And she will sing there as in the days of her youth,
As in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.
‘It will come about in that day,’ declares the Lord,
‘That you will call Me Ishi  [husband]
And will no longer call Me Baali [master].”

I’ve written before about my years in that valley of trouble. They were long dark years of depression and anger at a God I grudgingly acknowledged as a master –a cruel master. I missed the ‘allure’ part when I read those verses. I didn’t know he was taking me to a desolate place to remove distractions so I could hear his love song. I didn’t know he wanted to be like a lover. I never really understood the verse about singing to him other than as a job description.

The phrase translated as “she will sing there” in the version I first read is from the Hebrew word “anah”. It’s  translated differently in other versions. Some use the word answer, or respond –as to a lover and not a master/owner. Elsewhere it is frequently used in the context of ,”Oh God, hear our cries! Please answer us!  Take us seriously and come to us!”

I don’t know how to love him.

I used to teach this song from Jesus Christ Superstar to musical theater students because of the challenges of interpreting its emotional complexity.

In Lloyd-Webber and Andrew Rice’s own  fictional version of the story of the life of Jesus, Mary Magdalene is another prostitute who is used to having a power over the men she has both needed and held in contempt. She has used and been used. She has been the object of desire and the object of loathing. She, like Hosea’s wife, can go through the motions without giving her heart.  Jesus is someone who is wholly different to all her previous experience. He is “Holy Other.”

She sings, “I don’t know how to love him” because she has no idea what love is. She can’t tell love from manipulation, or fantasy, or the need to scratch an ego itch -or a physical itch, or from something to trade for a bauble that might distract from the pain for a while. Her “lovers” have always let her down. Now she faces the frightening prospect that if this man, who is more than a man, offers her his kind of pure, unselfish, un-needy love that cannot be manipulated or exploited, it would demand an authentic  response –an “anah.”

This kind of love is terrifying.

But if he said he loved me, I’d be lost, I’d be frightened. I couldn’t cope. Just couldn’t cope. I’d turn my head. I’d back away. I wouldn’t want to know.

That’s the response of most people to the pure love and goodness of Jesus. Love like that requires a response –and we know we can’t love back like that. We are entirely inadequate. We feel like we have to clean ourselves up, to earn his attention somehow. We don’t know how to love him. Yet we know deep inside we cry out for union with perfect love.

“He scares me so. I want him so. I love him so.”

When is sex not about sex?

In Christian dream interpretation people are embarrassed and often reluctant to talk about dreams with sexual content, not realizing that intercourse in a dream is usually symbolic of union or being in a covenant with whatever the other participant represents. God will use powerful, evocative imagery that we understand on a personal level to speak deeper truths. He will give us upsetting or embarrassing dreams to make a point. This symbolic response, this “anah” to God is no mere one-way intellectual nod to his sovereignty. This is a total giving of oneself. This is a promise to remain in permanent union. This is a marriage. This is an unbreakable covenant we are making when we sing to him. It’s our “anah” moment.

But look what He says further down in that passage in Hosea.

“It will come about in that day that I will respond,” declares the Lord.

I will respond to the heavens, and they will respond to the earth,
And the earth will respond to the grain, to the new wine and to the oil,
And they will respond to Jezreel.
“I will sow her for Myself in the land.
I will also have compassion on her who had not obtained compassion,
And I will say to those who were not My people,
‘You are My people!’
And they will say, ‘You are my God!’” (Hosea 2:21-23) NASB

Again he uses the sexual imagery of a husband who makes his wife a part of his people, who sees her as a rich fertile land full of possibilities, as someone who will partner with him in creation. He uses the same word “anah” when he says, “I will respond.” I will hear! I will answer! I will sing to her! I will be moved in my whole being by her response to me! I will purify her and make her the perfect bride.

It was easier for me to spend hours in intellectual debate about the attributes of God and His legal requirements than it was to hear his voice as he knocked at the door. When I began to wake to his relentless love I was terrified. A theoretical God, a master, did not require my entire self –my body, my mind, my emotion, my will, my heart; that god required only that I obey his instructions. This God, revealed in a man who has experienced everything I have, and still loves purely, is not satisfied with that. He is not be satisfied until I know the laser heat of his pure love that penetrates right to the center of my being.

Jesus has a beautiful voice

I hear Him sing to me sometimes. In the night -and in the day- I have heard him sing love songs. Don’t get me wrong; Jesus is not my boyfriend. I married mine. Jesus is not my sex partner; I have one of those – the same one I’ve been married to for over forty years, bless his beautiful heart. Jesus is the Lover of my soul. His love is far, far greater than any human can imagine and the longer I know him, the more he loves to demonstrate that no matter how wide, how high, and how deep I understand  his love to be, it is much greater still.

God is good.

More Than Words III

Good morning, dear
Good morning, dear

Today I am so grateful for a man who has faithfully shown his love in more than words since our engagement 41 years ago today.

He has said I love you by

going to work every morning

coming home every night

emptying the dishwasher

taking out the garbage

remembering to get the oil changed

unplugging the toilet

covering my desk with chocolates

laughing at my jokes

letting me use him as an excuse when I don’t want to volunteer for something

getting up at night when the kids were babies

telling his mother his allegiance was to me now

learning Koine Greek

pushing my wheelchair when my leg didn’t work

critiquing my writing and telling me that image might mean something else to other people (Good grief. How many names does it need?)

disagreeing and doing it anyway

disagreeing and not budging

putting his bacon in the freezer and my organic kale in the fridge

eating burnt toast with a smile

letting me choose the paint colours

praying for me and our family every day as he goes for his morning jog

demonstrating fearless generosity when money was tight

always being willing to study and learn more about God

putting Jesus first.

 

I love you, my man.

Because He Loved First

Because He First Loved Us
Because He First Loved Us

My Psalm

Like a child standing on tip-toe,

unable to reach the light switch,

like a girl groping cellar walls,

unable to find the stairs

I waited in the dark.

The drone of traffic in the streets

in rising and lowering songless pitch

neared my heart

then passed me by,

hope deferred yet once again.

 

I cried, “Oh God! Where are you?”

Pouring my effort into limp flowers

potted in desiccated soil

I watched as hope seeped through again and again

staining the white tablecloth beneath.

 

“I can never be good enough,” I whimpered.

But you,

Abba

Papa

Father

said, “Come.”

You placed your strong arms under mine

and lifted me up.

You tossed me high

into the sunlight

and caught me with your grace

stronger than any fear of failure.

You held me in your lap wide as a green orchard

and fed me words from your mouth.

 

Abba, you are my light in the hall.

Papa, you are hope like the door left ajar.

Father, I hear you in the kitchen preparing a feast for me.

You are my strength, my light, my hope, my joy.

I love you.

(re-blog from April 2, 2012)

Love bears, believes, hopes, endures

Love suffers long and is kind; 

love does not envy; 

love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 

does not behave rudely, 

does not seek its own, 

is not provoked, 

thinks no evil; 

does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

 Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13

sled

A prayer for my granddaughter on the day of her first breath

First Day
First Day

Oh sweet child, you have already given me such joy. There is nothing you need to do to earn my love. I have loved you since you were the hope in my own daughter’s heart, the hope that doctors told her was in vain. But God….

But God heard your Mommy’s and Daddy’s prayers, and ours, and now you, our miracle, snuggled in my arms this very day as my joy overflowed. You are the very fulfillment of the promise of the goodness of our heavenly Father and we all thank him so much for you.

There is a reason why your name means “Living Love Warrior.”

How do I pray for you, precious one? I can think of no greater prayer than this.

My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.

 God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. (Ephesians 3:14-21 The Message)

May you know, that as much a you are loved by your Mommy and Daddy and grandparents and all your family, there is One who loves you more, loves you perfectly, has always loved you and always will love you. May you be filled to overflowing with His love from your first breath until your last.
Abba Father, I bow in grateful thanks for everything you have in store for this child of promise. You are so very, very good!

Breakout

Bars
Bars

(Rhyming poetry is not my usual style, but my thoughts came out in rhyme this time, so here you go.)

 

Breakout

There are no bars, but I am a prisoner,

held by the fear that loving brings pain,

afraid to break free from the guards of my feelings,

afraid to love others, afraid to attain.

 

Lord, I want to love them the way that you love me.

Teach me to care the same way that you do.

Open my soul to the gift of sweet sorrow,

that I might love in a way that is true.

 

I want to know You and Your risen power-

to know what’s it like to be held in Your heart,

to truly know love in the depths of my being

to love them with Your love –to know how to start.

 

Break my heart free from the prison of comfort.

Help me to press on to Your upward call,

giving up all that lies back there behind me.

Teach me to love, Lord, for You can do all.

 

A great post written to prisoners to be found here. (Language warning)

http://disciplegideon.wordpress.com/2012/12/12/waking-up-from-the-nightmare/trackback/