Unfading Beauty

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Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by the beauty of God’s creation I just want to cry and thank him from the bottom of my heart for moments like these.

But they are moments. I am anxious to get out there with my camera because I know these sunny wild flowers will fade and die within a week or two.

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Other flowers will replace them later -the lupins, the daisies, the bright red salvia- and they will be just as beautiful. And they will also droop and fade and die.

In landscape photography much depends upon the season and the weather conditions and the time of day and angle of the sun. I think my desperation to get out there when the conditions are right, even though the timing may be inconvenient for other obligations, is about an awareness that life is fleeting.

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But temporary beauty is like a sign post that points to a greater, more permanent beauty that will not fade.

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I’ve been thinking about this verse:
But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:4)

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I disliked it in my youth because of the way it and the surrounding verses were applied. The result was a rather oppressive less-than-lovely interpretation of freedom. Today I see something different. Some translations use the term incorruptible beauty, meaning beauty that is not subject to ugly decay like a corpse. Other translations say unfading loveliness or lasting beauty. All of them talk about a higher form of beauty -a gentle, quiet, peaceful spirit. “Not anxious or wrought up” in the Amplified version. Peace comes from within, but so does beauty.

I would not want to return to the type of sexual harassment I experienced in some of my first jobs, nor would I want to be embarrassed by the wolf whistles and remarks that came with walking past construction sites when I was 18, but like many woman I never realized how far my looks took me until I lost them. There’s that moment when you realize that being called a femme fatale is now more about your absent-mindedness behind the wheel of a car than your ability to be a lust-magnet. It’s actually kind of a sad day when attractive men confide in you about their romantic problems as if you have been neutered by “fading loveliness.”

Beauty is not the only currency. Many of my friends who are reaching retirement age have to face the realization that the currency that earned them a place of respect or usefulness in this world is not holding its former value. Surgeons lose their dexterity, musicians lose their hearing, and teachers lose their patience. Athletes and dancers face this reality sooner than actuarians, but eventually the time comes when we are replaced by those with brighter newer beauty, talent, or skill. We fight it. Man, how we fight it, but reality hits us square in the mirror eventually.

“Inward beauty” is not a euphemism for “nice personality” or “a great face for radio.” Inward beauty is more like the light that glows in a dark and dreary season. Inward beauty shines when a person knows they are deeply loved and cherished. The inwardly beautiful will not be plucked, stuffed in a vase, admired and tossed a few days later; they are at peace with God and themselves and can afford to love others gently and extravagantly because they know they have been forgiven much. Inward beauty does not fade or droop or shrivel or rot. It keeps growing through all the seasons of life because their intimate relationship with the Creator of such beauty grows on for eternity.

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We’ve only just begun.

Meaning What?

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One of my favourite lines from the film Awakenings is spoken by Dr. Sayer in a job interview scene. He was describing his research history.

SAYER
It was an immense project. I was trying to extract a decigram of myelin from four tons of earthworms.

DIRECTOR
Really?

SAYER
I was on it for five years. I was the only one who really believed in it. The rest of them said it couldn’t be done.

KAUFMAN
It can’t.

SAYER
Well, I know that now.
I proved it.

 

The writer of Ecclesiastes came to this conclusion after a lifetime of research:

“Everything is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless.”

I don’t often read Ecclesiastes. It feels like spending an afternoon with a gouty old curmudgeon  who will extinguish your dream with a cynical grunt. Today I saw it a little differently.

I heard of a famous physicist who announced to his esteemed colleagues that after 30 years of research he came to the conclusion that his hypothesis was wrong. I was impressed. How often do you see that? (May I admit a secret admiration for writers and speakers who freely admit their failures?)

Although many people worship scientists as unbiased seekers of truth anyone who has been caught in the craziness of ego wars in academia will tell you that they are wounded humans like the rest of us. Sometimes political blockades in the form of withheld research approval only come down with the demise of those in positions of power. But maybe that’s just my disillusioned curmudgeonly side coming out. But, you know, science is not the only field where disillusionment has dented trust. There’s religion, politics, arts, media, sports, romance….

The writer of Ecclesiastes lists the areas in which he spent a lifetime of research. His hypothesis was that these pursuits would bring meaning. His conclusion was that they were all futile (or in King James English “Vanity, vanity…”:
-The pursuit of pleasure (thoroughly investigated)
-Wisdom vs. madness
-Work and professional accomplishment
-The pursuit of justice (in a world of corrupt courtrooms and oppression)
-Companionship
-Political power, respect, and honour
-Striving to please God
-Wealth

No wonder he was in a bad mood. He spent a lot more than five years trying to extract myelin from worms; he spent a lifetime proving that human reasoning and effort alone is not sufficient to comprehend the big, even massive, picture of meaning on this earth, let alone in the universe.

I read a bumper sticker somewhere that said something like, “Perhaps the purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others.”

Perhaps.

Perhaps that is why the stories of tragic drama stay with us longer than happy-ending comedies. The essential moment in a tragedy is that point when the leading character has a flash of insight that allows him to say: This is where I went wrong. That moment gives them the authority to lay the diamond of wisdom at the feet of the audience: This is where you can do it differently. This is where you can repent of my mistakes and change the way you think.

In the final chapters of Ecclesiastes the writer offers us the distilled, refined wisdom of a lifetime that was a process of elimination in the search for meaning. He has earned the right to speak. We need to pay attention.

In my search for wisdom and in my observation of people’s burdens here on earth, I discovered that there is ceaseless activity, day and night.  I realized that no one can discover everything God is doing under the sun. Not even the wisest people discover everything, no matter what they claim.

 

Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, “Life is not pleasant anymore.” Remember him before the light of the sun, moon, and stars is dim to your old eyes, and rain clouds continually darken your sky. Remember him before your legs—the guards of your house—start to tremble; and before your shoulders—the strong men—stoop. Remember him before your teeth—your few remaining servants—stop grinding; and before your eyes—the women looking through the windows—see dimly.

Remember him before the door to life’s opportunities is closed and the sound of work fades. Now you rise at the first chirping of the birds, but then all their sounds will grow faint.

Remember him before you become fearful of falling and worry about danger in the streets; before your hair turns white like an almond tree in bloom, and you drag along without energy like a dying grasshopper, and the caperberry no longer inspires sexual desire. Remember him before you near the grave, your everlasting home, when the mourners will weep at your funeral.

Yes, remember your Creator now while you are young, before the silver cord of life snaps and the golden bowl is broken. Don’t wait until the water jar is smashed at the spring and the pulley is broken at the well. For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it.

 

 

Leaving Our Graves Behind

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They left the graves of their two precious children behind when they abandoned the farm. It was time. The Depression years had lasted long enough.

I thought of my grandparents yesterday and so wished they could have been with us. Our granddaughter, (their great great-granddaughter) was baptized. On her own she sought out the youth pastor at her church and told him about her encounter with the living Jesus. He showed up as powerful and deeply intense feelings and even though she is not yet twelve-years old she knew that she knew that he was speaking to her and asking her to make a public declaration of her faith. The symbolism of being buried with Christ and rising to new life in him was made even stronger by the fact that since this group doesn’t have a built-in baptismal tank they purchased a portable tub originally designed as a birthing tub. Perfect.

One of the triggers that brought up the memory of my grandparents was being greeted by familiar friends from my childhood when we arrived at the church. They just happened to retire in the same town where our son is now a pastor. “I can’t believe Aunt Annie’s grandson is our pastor!” “Matt’s” wife said with tears in her eyes when we first ran into them. “Matt” was the son of my grandmother’s life-long best friend, who we called Little Mary, and her husband Spencer -with whom my grandfather shared an amazing experience I only heard about a few years ago.

My grandparents’ baby girl died when she was only a few days old. Grandma never knew why. The crops had failed again that year and even if they could have scrounged up the money for a doctor he may not have been able to make it through the spring blizzard or been able to help when he got there. She and her husband were devastated, but went back to work ploughing, and planting and trying to raise their three- and five-year old sons. Then only a few months later their youngest boy died.

“Quinsy. That’s why we give you medicine for tonsillitis now,” she told me when I was a girl. “We didn’t have any back then. It was such a  hard year. Your daddy was left  all alone without his sister and brother and played “funeral” by burying pretend children in matchboxes in the yard and then digging them back up again. I cried a lot, but your grandfather was angry a lot. Then Jesus came into our lives.”

My grandfather, Clarence, always used words sparingly. He wasn’t miserly with his words, he just didn’t have many. His thoughts came in the form of deeply intense feelings. It was my Dad who told me the story of how Grandpa met Jesus.

“There was this nurse. Nurse Conners,”  Dad said. “She wanted to be a missionary overseas, but the missions board rejected her because they said she was too small and too sickly and just a woman, so she decided instead, on her own, to go out west and be a missionary to the settlers on the prairie. She rode around the district with her horse and cutter in weather conditions that were tougher than in any tropical country. She looked after the folks and taught them about Jesus and even started a kind of training school where she taught young men how to preach. Some of these young preachers came around to the nearby village and held some old-fashioned tent meetings. Your Grandma walked down the aisle that first night to find out more about this Jesus and she never looked back. Your grandfather went to the meeting with her but he wanted none of it. He was an angry, bitter man who had enough of religion. His mother was a religious woman in the Temperance League movement and she had already attempted to literally beat it into him.

He was in the barn late at night tending the horses when a bright light appeared behind him. He could feel something was happening before he had the nerve to turn around. When he finally did he saw Jesus standing there in the middle of the light.”

“‘Why are you fighting me?’ He asked. ‘Why are you kicking against the pricks?’” (This is close to the phrase, in King James English, that Jesus spoke when He appeared to Saul, a man who hated Christians so much he led a movement to imprison and kill them. One modern translation puts it this way: “It’s hard for you to fight your own conscience.”)

My grandfather turned his life over to Christ that night. If that experience wasn’t amazing enough, when they went to the meetings in the village the next evening he learned his good friend, Spencer, had exactly the same experience at the same time in his barn a few miles away. The transformation of two families began that night.

A few years later Grandma and Grandpa left  their children’s graves and their failed lives as farmers behind to move to the city where they bought a big old boarding house that became a place of refuge for many folks at low points in their lives.

The old boarding house before they replaced it with a mall.
The old boarding house before they replaced it with a mall.

So yesterday, there I sat in the same room as Spencer’s son listening to Clarence’s great great-granddaughter talk about her encounter with the living Christ and wanting to follow him for the rest of her life. When she stepped out of that birthing tub she symbolically left her grave behind to be raised up with Christ.

If that wasn’t amazingly joyful enough Jesus encountered me there as well, as he often does, through music. This is a church that praises God with contemporary music. I loved hearing Kim Walker’s song, “How He Loves”. It was perfect for the occasion. But then the worship leaders started singing a song I haven’t heard in years. What? It seemed like a totally unlikely song to sing in a modern sophisticated church setting. It was an old Hank Williams song I heard crackling out of my grandparents’ record player. “Praise the Lord, I saw the Light.”

Like my grandfather -and now my granddaughter I felt His presence before I had words for the experience. The connection to memories of Grandma and Grandpa hit me deeply and I cried and cried.

I had said earlier, “I wish my grandparents could see this.”

I think the song was telling me they did. Thank you, Lord! What a gift!

I have a good inheritance. God is good, so very, very, very good.

 

From Glory to Glory

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So do we go or do we stay? The weather on this side of the Rockies is lovely. We’ve had summer temperatures this week and suddenly there are leaves on the trees and flowers in my garden! Glorious flowers!

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But there is a heavy snowfall warning out for the Cowboy Trail on the other side of the Rockies, the part that lies between us and our granddaughter’s special day. The temperature is right around the freezing mark, so that could mean wet highways, or impossible highways.

I find myself shopping the weather forecast sites looking for the most optimistic reports, but I know better than to be caught in the mountains in a heavy spring snowfall. So we check highway cameras and road reports and wait for Facebook posts from those who are already out on the roads and wonder if we should make a dash for it before it gets really bad.

Change is like that. I have seen the transforming power of Jesus in people’s lives and it’s amazing. They don’t seem like the same people. There is hope, joy, peace and love in their lives. Then suddenly the habits of the last season blow back in -and it’s a big mess.

Disappointment in the apparent lack of progress in our lives can make us wonder if we are actually getting anywhere. Sometimes in the midst of this journey, when we see how far we have got to go, discouragement piles up on the road like  unwelcome spring snow. “Hope deferred” the Bible calls it. It says it will even make your heart feel sick.  But the next part of that verse is the one to watch “But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”

We can look at the snow which, although very real and hazardous and mighty inconvenient, we know is passing, or we can look at the trees blossoming into new life. Transformation is about not looking to our past for norms. It is about fixing our eyes on hope and the joy that lies before us. We move from glory to glory.

Soon. Very soon.

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No Denying It

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“Negativity is killing you.”

That was the message from a little boy sitting beside me at the end of a conference table in my dream last night. At the other end was a person I admire who was talking about practising the fruit of the Spirit – especially peace.

When I woke up I argued with the Lord that I am really trying to be positive, and I’m much better than I used to be. I also want to be honest (integrity matters!) and isn’t speaking only positively and not acknowledging the darkness in the world just a form of denial? How can you pray about a problem if “there is no problem?” The Bible says nothing about “speaking that which is as if it is not.” That’s not faith! That’s sticking your head in the sand!

Oh God, there is so much darkness and evil and unbelief in this world! I can say that I have peace, but my body reminds me that stress is churning my stomach right now. I feel like a hypocrite when I deny the experts’ dire predictions.

The answer came: Negativity is denial when it gives more weight to what the enemy of your soul says than to what I say. Negativity is denial when you neglect to give thanks for all the ways I have already blessed you. Negativity is denial when you forget that I love you relentlessly. Negativity denies that I AM is sovereign and that I have overcome the one who came to steal, kill and destroy. Who is the talking head authority in your life? Which “expert” do you choose to listen to? The one who devours, or the One who loved you so much He overcame death just to set you free from it? Who do you choose to yoke up with?

So where do I find peace when darkness is all around? How can I  change atmospheres?

Jesus said: “I have told you all this so that you may find your peace in Me. You will find trouble in the world—but, never lose heart, I have conquered the world!” (John 16:33 JBP)

OK, Lord. Today I choose to keep my eyes on You. I will enter your gates with thanksgiving and your courts with praise.

For it is you who light my lamp;
    the Lord my God lightens my darkness.
 For by you I can run against a troop,
    and by my God I can leap over a wall.

(Psalm 18:28)

Broken Pieces

 

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The early morning sun streaming through a window brought my attention to a mosaic on the floor of the lobby of the hotel in Israel. In the previous few days we had seen many mosaics, or partial mosaics that had survived from the time of the Romans. Telling the stories of lives long gone, many were outstanding works of art that had endured for centuries. In such a context a contemporary mosaic was easy to overlook.

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This mosaic had in common the same feature of the ancient works though. It still required the down-on-the-knees painstaking placement of tiny pieces of fired, broken clay. The big picture required brokenness.

The words of a Gaither song from years ago came back to me. “Heart aches, broken pieces, ruined lives are why you died on Calvary…”

A lot of us put on a brave front; it’s how we cope in a competitive world that markets people with resumes and promotional materials. But God is not impressed with self-promotion. He wants our broken bits. He can work with broken bits.

Heartache? Failure? Disappointment? Regrets? An honest resume that itemizes our inability to get it together on our own is most impressive to Him. And when he takes us on He makes something beautiful of our lives.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
(Psalm 51:17)

“All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife, but He made something beautiful of my life.”

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Mystery

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Peace comes from within -when the Prince of Peace dwells within.

I [Paul] am a servant appointed by God to preach the Word of God until it is known to you and all over—what I am talking about is nothing less than  the mystery of the ages! What was hidden for ages, generations and generations, is now being revealed to His holy ones. He decided to make known to them His blessing to the nations; the glorious riches of this mystery is the indwelling of the Anointed in you! The very hope of glory. (Colossians 1:25-27)

I’ll Recognize the Sound of Your Voice

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I’m homesick, God, for your salvation;

I love it when you show yourself!

Invigorate my soul so I can praise you well,

use your decrees to put iron in my soul.

And should I wander off like a lost sheep—seek me!

I’ll recognize the sound of your voice.

(Psalm 119:174-176  The Message)

Wings

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If we will only surrender ourselves utterly to the Lord, and will trust Him perfectly, we shall find our souls “mounting up with wings as eagles” to the “heavenly places” in Christ Jesus, where earthly annoyances or sorrows have no power to disturb us. – Hannah Whitall Smith

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Done!

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He who was seated on the throne said,

I am making everything new!”

Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

He said to me: “It is done.

I am the Alpha and the Omega,

the Beginning and the End.

To the thirsty I will give water

without cost

from the spring of the water of life.

Those who are victorious will inherit all this,

and I will be their God and they will be my children.

(Revelation 21:5-7)

Christ is Risen!