Tag: challenge

Wrestling with God

On By Charis PsalloIn Black and white, nature, Photography, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Genuine trust involves allowing another to matter and have an impact in our lives. For that reason, many who hate and do battle with God trust Him more deeply than those whose complacent faith permits an abstract and motionless stance before Him. Those who trust God most are those whose faith permits them to risk wrestling with Him over the deepest questions of life. Good hearts are captured in a divine wrestling match; fearful, doubting hearts stay clear of the mat.

Dan B. Allender

I’m a verbal processor. This, plus a tendency to take up causes before I have all the information from all sides, has landed me in more trouble than anything else. A verbal processor says things right out Ioud that they may toss away later. They are on the way to something else, but for people who don’t operate this way, it’s hard to tell what’s process and what’s conclusion.

I was thinking out loud in the presence of someone who not only did not understand my struggle with an issue, she did not understand why it should even be an issue, nor why I was saying such disturbing things.

“Why do you have to ask so many questions? Why can’t you just believe?”

I looked at her sweet face and said nothing. What I wanted to say was, “Because it matters. Because this is a piece of the puzzle that other pieces labeled “choices” need to make connection to to understand who God really is. Because who God really is what really matters.”

I’ve heard people say that they can’t be bothered with doctrine (which, ironically, is a doctrine in itself.) For some it’s true that deeper study is not necessary. I think of a lovely friend with Down’s syndrome. Her entire theology could be summed up in her statement, “Jesus loves me and I love Jesus.” True and beautiful. So why can’t I just believe everything I’ve been told? Why have I gone through periods in my life when I need more?

I believe it’s about relationship. One of the ways I connect with God is when he gives me a puzzle or presents a question I can’t answer. I had a dream once where I was a child sitting on the floor with a kind person who was helping me connect shaped metal puzzle pieces into a mat about a meter square. I thought we were done and congratulated myself by clapping my hands like a preschooler. Then he started building the puzzle pieces upwards into an incredibly complex cube. I protested. That was entirely too hard and too much work. He looked at me kindly and said, “Stop thinking in two dimensions.” I recognized him at that moment. It was Jesus. Then he disappeared.

I’ve been in a time of puzzling with God lately. It feels too hard. There are too many pieces, too many levels, too many parts that have been forced to work when they don’t really fit and that could throw the structure off balance later. I’ve also been talking out loud a lot as I wrestle with this thing. Sweet people look at me with the same expression as the impatient woman who said, “Why do you have to ask so many questions? Why can’t you just believe?” (Now that I think of it, she wasn’t asking for my answer. She had no questions that sent her running to God in frustration and an answer without questions is just another boring lecture.)

When I read Dan Allender’s quote, I realized I am one of those who is called to wrestle with God. I know I can never comprehend his vast majesty with my tiny mind. It’s like a microbe in a match with a universe of galaxies. Wrestling is about engaging. It’s about responding to an invitation to join him on the mat and play a demanding, frustrating, multi-leveled complex game that’s probably going to trigger some anger. Maybe a lot of anger.

He comes quietly, almost silently beside me, then flips my entire perspective and triggers overwhelmingly deep and difficult questions. Then he asks if I want to play.

I say, “Are you kidding? This is way too hard for me.”

“I know,” he says. “Your move.”

Blooming Outside the Box

On By Charis PsalloIn Photography, springLeave a comment

A friend asked this question of those of us who have not been able to attend in-person church services for months at a time due to restrictions imposed by pandemic protocols: What have you missed about church attendance if you have been a regular church attender?

Note: I’m not addressing arguments against either the potential misuse of political power in church closures or the potential lack of consideration for the vulnerable in defiant church openers right now. That discussion tends produce more heat than light when many people in church leadership are doing the best they can with information that is still changing.

This is what I miss about attending local church on a Sunday morning. I miss seeing people who are not on the internet. Some people cannot or choose not to participate on Zoom or other media meetings. Sadly we are losing touch.

I miss corporate worship that includes children and young adults and, well, everybody together in the same place.

I miss celebrating the sacraments together.

I miss hugs and kind touches on the shoulder.

But thinking about my response to this question has made me realize something. Quite a while ago I learned that if I wanted to go deeper in knowing the Lord I could not depend on once a week attendance in a pulpit-centered church in a dedicated building no matter how much I liked the pastor/s. We have moved and been moved several times throughout the years. Every group seems to specialize in favourite doctrines and passages of scripture after a while. Many pastors teach at a level that new believers will understand. Steak dinners are rare. Easily digested blender-processed food is more plentiful. It’s risky to address mystery and pursue what it means to know God at a deeper level without appearing elitist or annoyingly holier-than-thou. I learned to appreciate what was offered and seek more through books, podcasts, webinars, courses, and conferences myself.

Some popular churches focus all their efforts into looking after God’s P.R. and continuing to do what they do best. I admire them, but eventually, something always seems to be missing. Although I’ve gone kicking and screaming, the Lord seem to arrange circumstances that kick me out of the nest if I get too comfortable in places like this. Sometimes, it’s the drive to know Him that pushes me out of the box.

I’ve taken courses from all sorts of lovers of Jesus who are outside the local church and outside my usual tribes. I’ve been involved in both online and face-to-face “parachurch” ministries for quite a while. I now realize that, for me, parachurch organizations have often been a healthier example of being the church than the pulpit and pew crew. The causes parachurch groups support may be different, but they have this in common. Participants are passionately involved and have actual relationships that are the result of working together in hard-won unity. They go beyond “fellowshipping” with the back of someone’s head. The ones that aided spiritual growth the most realize the necessity of prayer and worship and acknowledge the problems of being limited to denominational-style distinctives and limited forms of expressing praise. They recognize diversity and that people flourish in an environment where creativity is honoured and lay people can offer their best.

The question I am tempted to ask now, instead of what do you miss about church services, is this: What do you miss when church means only in-person attendance at a traditional time and place? If your local church has been closed or has switched to online services, has this time of being the church out of the brick and mortar box revealed anything to you? In what ways are you seeing signs of new growth? What has blossomed in your life?

There is a divine mystery—a secret surprise that has been concealed from the world for generations, but now it’s being revealed, unfolded and manifested for every holy believer to experience. Living within you is the Christ who floods you with the expectation of glory! This mystery of Christ, embedded within us, becomes a heavenly treasure chest of hope filled with the riches of glory for his people, and God wants everyone to know it! (Colossians 1:26,27 TPT)