I still had some flowers in the garden on Sunday, but by Wednesday the blossoms bowed under the snow — frozen solid. I hate to see the flowers die. I grieve for them every autumn.
My granddaughter, a few weeks before her fourth birthday, made a profound observation about the flowers dying. It was profound, because only a few weeks later her Daddy lay dying.
This is what her Mommy wrote:
Every time I left Bruce, I felt like I left half of me at the hospital. It felt wrong to leave him, like my being there would somehow make all the difference, but every time I was at the hospital, I felt like I should be at home with my children, making life feel as normal as possible, playing and laughing so they wouldn’t have to be worried about Daddy. No matter where I was, I didn’t feel like I was in the right place…
My kids never knew the severity of what was going on. At two months, two-and-a-half years, and barely four years old, I didn’t think it would be good for them to know that Daddy could die.
I recalled a conversation Keziah and I had shared not long after baby Vivia was born. A warm chinook wind had peeled back the blanket of snow in the park, and we were able to get outside for a little stroll. As we walked past an old flower bed, she looked up at me and said, “We don’t know what it feels like to be dead. That’s a’cause we’ve never been dead before so we don’t know how it feels.”
She looked at me for agreement. I nodded.
She went on, “And if you’re dead, then you’re dead and you can’t tell anyone a’cause you’re dead.”
She paused and thought about it for a few minutes, while shuffling her heavy winter boots down the sidewalk.
“But maybe we could ask the flowers a’cause they die every winter so they know how it feels…Too bad they don’t have mouths, or they would prolly tell us!”
I remember thinking at the time, What three-year old thinks about death? And now I wondered, What three-year old thinks about being raised from something that looks like death?
-from While He Lay Dying by Bruce and Lara Merz (available here)
Charis: Subject to Change 
Wow! Out of the mouth of babes..
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Perhaps there is more to being child-like than we think. Sometimes they hear better than we do.
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There isn’t a lot of clutter in their young minds..
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Or disappointment, or unforgiveness, or unbelief
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Hi Charis – I was unable to post the first day I read this. How will we go about purchasing the book when it’s released?
Blessings to you and yours
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Hi Judi,
The book will be available from Amazon.com in the US and Amazon.ca in Canada in both paperback and eBook form. It can also be ordered from the website http://www.whilehelaydying.com which is still under construction but should be able to take pre-orders soon. It will also be available through some bookstores in Canada and possibly more in other places as people request it .
The covers are being pasted on as we speak.
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thank you – I hope to share it with my friend who’s son has overcome too.
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This just in: Now available on Kindle and Kobo eBooks! I’m so excited!
In Canada:
http://amzn.to/1z3XLws
In the USA
http://amzn.to/1vBoUSz
In the UK
http://amzn.to/164iZkt UK
Kobo
http://bit.ly/1GbbSmZ
Print copies should be available on Amazon any time now.
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The photos are really quite lovely, even if the flowers are dying. The lighting is really what makes them great pictures. You should try having a little indoor garden if you haven’t already. That way you don’t have to lose everything during the winter.
Yvon Lebras | http://www.valleyfreshflowers.net
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Thank you, Yvon. My geraniums are wintering over in the window beside me right now.
Blessings on your day.
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That girl seems so smart!!!! Sometimes kid see things we can’t. Do you know her personally, Charis?
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I know her very well. She continues to display unusual insight.
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