Category: Black and white

The Gift of Incompetence

On By Charis PsalloIn Black and white, Photography, Water5 Comments
Peace Like a River
Peace Like a River

This has been a week of severe testing. I got a new computer.

I had to hot-wire my old one to get it started and the speaker jack only worked if I spoke to it very kindly reinserting the plug, honestly, up to fifty times to find the magic connection, then taping it there quickly before it disconnected again. Like an old person who complains you never come to visit them (when you just spent the whole day sorting their mail) and who speaks only of the past, its memory was not accepting new information or keep up with the times. It took frequent naps in the middle of our conversations.

My husband bought me a new one. Together with his nephew they worked all summer to put together a super-duper package with graphics boards and memory capacity beyond anything I’ve known before. It’s fantastic.

I just don’t know how to use it.

The new updated programs they put on don’t look anything like the old ones. I don’t recognize this Photoshop. My songs written in Finale have pretty little hearts all over the clefs instead of notes. My poetry and articles and collection of quotes and blog ideas are all on a drive in the country somewhere and my photos open in a window with a strange vista I’ve never seen before. Apparently my email is disavowing all knowledge of me as well. My bookmarks have disappeared, my iTunes is gone and I am forced to recall all my passwords. For a technophobe this week has been a nightmare. I feel so incompetent.

I lost my peace there for a while. I tend to take it out on my poor husband and blame him for inventing the computer, but he loves me and has my best interest at heart. He sees greater potential for the things I have been using a computer for than I do sometimes. (His generosity is astounding. He also bought me a new camera this summer after I dropped my old one.) I keep having to ask for his help, and sometimes, like the good teacher he is, he just tells me to go away and play around with it until I figure it out myself. (Grrr)

I was belly-aching to my daughter (who is a professional photographer and who promised to teach me how to use the professional level Photoshop) and she reminded me, “Give thanks in everything, Mom. It’s the way back to peace.”

She gives good advice. As I adjust my attitude to thankfulness and rejoicing I am beginning to see how this new computer is going to be such a blessing.  But it’s like getting a promotion that requires a period of adjustment and leaves me feeling vulnerable. The panic has started to subside, and I’m becoming a little more reasonable and able to figure things out a bit.

God uses our weaknesses better than our strengths, sometimes, because when we feel most incompetent we are most willing to ask for and  listen to his advice.  It’s a good thing.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.

Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-17)

And I figured out how to process a photo I took down by the river this week into a black and white version using the new computer and a new program. God is good.

Lament: Pure Worship

On By Charis PsalloIn Black and white, Trees and forests11 Comments
Fire Season
Fire Season

The writers of the Psalms -especially David- were not afraid of emotion. They kept it real. Maybe that’s why I like the Psalms so much. Integrity is a quality I admire.

A beloved counsellor once confronted me for saying, “I shouldn’t feel this way.”

“Feeling emotion,” he said, “is no more shameful than feeling thirst. You don’t condemn yourself for being thirsty, do you? You can decide whether the thirst is something you can tolerate until a more convenient time to get a drink, or if you need to deal with it right now. You can analyze the cause of the thirst -are my blood sugars OK, or do I need to avoid salty food before long meetings- and make adjustments to behaviours in the future, but you don’t need to deny the reality of your thirst. You certainly would not be wise to ignore it forever. Emotions are like that; you can choose your response but there is no shame in feeling.”

So much of my life I was taught that I ought to hide sorrow. “Don’t bring everybody down.” “Sparkle, sparkle, little girl. Smile!”

Now I’m not talking about grumbling, complaining and sympathy seeking. I do believe you see what you focus on. I’m just talking about keeping it real and dropping the facade that everything is fine when it is not. The writers of the Psalms did not make a practice of speaking only of good times. They didn’t turn scripture around to make it say “speaking those things that are as if they are not.” They didn’t avoid other people -or God- when all was not going well and when they didn’t have an up-to-date “glorious testimony.”

But what they did do is take their pain and sorrow and turn it into worship. They lamented. They took what they had -their suffering- and offered it as praise.

It is in moments of excruciating pain and even deep personal regret that tragic heroes of stories and stage reveal insights that give us hope in the God who can change us into more than we thought we could be. The Bible honestly reveals the weaknesses of folks who struggled with faith and obedience in adverse circumstances.  The Bible includes their failures. The Bible includes laments.

Only a person living a transparent life can write:

I will say to God my Rock, “Why have You forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?’ As with a breaking of my bones, my enemies approach me, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?”

And only a person living honestly has the ability to offer:

Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall yet praise him, the help of my countenance and my God. (Psalm 42)

His dark season did not last forever, and God restored, but Job, after all he feared came upon him, after all other possible sources of happiness had been lost, was in a position to offer the most refined, distilled, pure worship of all, “Though he slay me, yet I will trust Him.”

“Lamentation does not deny the existence of pain; it does just the opposite, in fact. It actually involves worshipping God with that sorrow. What are the circumstances of your life? Are you in the winepress of God, being crushed like a grape?…

If you are in mourning, you have the opportunity to worship in the most powerful way possible –  lamentation. This worship isn’t done in order to have God remove the pain. It simply recognizes that God stands in the moment with us. Lamentation elevates God in the presence of our enemies.”

-Graham Cooke

Sometimes it is in the place of our deepest sorrow that the diamonds and rubies of true joy, formed over time under great pressure, are found.

God is good.

Save

Good morning, Lord

On By Charis PsalloIn Black and white, Flowers, Photography4 Comments

IMG_0216 sepia rose 2

And in the morning, when I rise,

You bring a tear of joy to my eyes

And tell me everything is gonna be alright.

(borrowed from Danny’s Song by Kenny Loggins and inspired by a friend’s dream)

IMG_0212 sepia rose 1

Yesterday as I was outside working on my deck my neighbour came by with a bouquet of roses. She is such a giving person. She often drops by with gluten-free goodies and words of encouragement. I love this lady. She shows me everything is gonna be all right. This post is dedicated to you, Wendy.

Wanderings

On By Charis PsalloIn Black and white, Fields, Mountains, Photography4 Comments
Wanderings
Wanderings

You have taken account of my wanderings;

Put my tears in Your bottle.

Are they not in Your book?

Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call;

This I know, that God is for me.

In God, whose word I praise,

In the Lord, whose word I praise,

In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid.

What can man do to me?

(Psalm 56:8-11)

Resting, Resting

On By Charis PsalloIn Black and white, Fields, Just folks, Man made, Mountains, Photography12 Comments
Fleeting
Fleeting

The dream began when my grandmother gave me a sparkly star pin. She brought it back from Bethlehem when I was a teenager and every Christmas when I took it out of my jewelry box I remembered how she talked about her trip to Israel and how much it meant to her. I wanted to go too.

There are so many needs in the world. Frankly, I tend to be the over-responsible big sister type who feels the need to rescue and fix. I also grew up with a fear of not having enough. I justified my ability to pinch a penny so hard it screamed for mercy by giving my reserved squashed coins to charity -widow’s mite and all that.

A couple of years ago someone encouraged a group of us to remember dreams we had relinquished, thinking they were not practical, or were meant for people who needed them more. I realized I had not asked my good heavenly Father for things because I thought, that like my earthly father, he was on a tight budget, and that his resources were limited and had to be carefully meted out to fulfill the great commission of making disciples of all men. It felt selfish to ask Abba if he would give me a trip to Israel like the one my grandmother took. Maybe for someone else, but not for me.

But I dared to ask. And he answered.

The whole time we were in Israel for the past two weeks this song ran through my head:

Jesus, I am resting, resting

in the joy of what Thou art.

I am finding out the goodness

of Thy loving heart.

I know the word in the old hymn is “greatness” and not “goodness”, but that’s the word that kept showing up in that half-sleep time while dawn lightened the skies.

So many things seemed to make the trip look impossible -and up until two days before departure we thought we would have to cancel, but my health improved, our son-in-love came out of his coma and encouraged us to go, and people stepped in to look after things I had assumed were my responsibility alone.

Every day was a gift from a good Father. I thought that nothing could top the feeling of standing on top of Mount Carmel and realizing this was the place where God showed up for Elijah and sent the prophets of the false god, Ba’al, who demanded appeasement, running in ignominy. I thought that would be the highlight, but it just got better.

“Rest,” He said. “Sit down and let others do the running for a while. Rest and let me love you.”

One day, in a lower room below the busy streets of Jerusalem, perhaps on the very pavement where Jesus stood, where the soldiers humiliated him and put a crown of thorns on his head, I sang. I sang with tears and a heart full of gratitude,

I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow.

If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus ’tis now.

Ecce Homo
Ecce Homo

When we came home a couple of days ago, we immediately went to see our son-in-love, who has been on his own journey in the valley of the shadow of death. He is out of ICU, and starting to walk and rebuild his strength in a rehab hospital. The hospital staff are calling him “Miracle Man.”

God is good. So very, very good.

IMG_0946 from herodian toward dead sea ch - Copy

Feasting

On By Charis PsalloIn Black and white, Mountains, WaterLeave a comment
Valley
Valley

Sometimes the best way through the valley is through the valley.

That’s where the feast is kept.

Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.
 You prepare a feast for me
    in the presence of my enemies.

(Psalm 23: 4,5 New Living version)

Mere Mortals

On By Charis PsalloIn Black and white, Just folks, Mountains, Photography2 Comments
Cougar Creek Thinker
Cougar Creek Thinker

When I … see the work of your fingers…
     what are mere mortals that you should think about them,
    human beings that you should care for them?

(Psalm 8:3,4)

By Faith

On By Charis PsalloIn Black and white, Music, Photography, Winter3 Comments
Tracks
Tracks

By faith we see the hand of God
In the light of creation’s grand design
In the lives of those who prove His faithfulness
Who walk by faith and not by sight

By faith our fathers roamed the earth
With the power of His promise in their hearts
Of a holy city built by God’s own hand
A place where peace and justice reign

We will stand as children of the promise
We will fix our eyes on Him our soul’s reward
Till the race is finished and the work is done
We’ll walk by faith and not by sight

By faith the prophets saw a day
When the longed-for Messiah would appear
With the power to break the chains of sin and death
And rise triumphant from the grave

By faith the church was called to go
In the power of the Spirit to the lost
To deliver captives and to preach good news
In every corner of the earth

We will stand as children of the promise
We will fix our eyes on Him our soul’s reward
Till the race is finished and the work is done
We’ll walk by faith and not by sight

By faith this mountain shall be moved
And the power of the gospel shall prevail
For we know in Christ all things are possible
For all who call upon His name

We will stand as children of the promise
We will fix our eyes on Him our soul’s reward
Till the race is finished and the work is done
We’ll walk by faith and not by sigh

(Keith & Kristyn Getty, Stuart Townend)

Stand Firm
Stand Firm

Breakout

On By Charis PsalloIn Black and white, Photography, Poetry, Trees and forests5 Comments
Bars
Bars

(Rhyming poetry is not my usual style, but my thoughts came out in rhyme this time, so here you go.)

 

Breakout

There are no bars, but I am a prisoner,

held by the fear that loving brings pain,

afraid to break free from the guards of my feelings,

afraid to love others, afraid to attain.

 

Lord, I want to love them the way that you love me.

Teach me to care the same way that you do.

Open my soul to the gift of sweet sorrow,

that I might love in a way that is true.

 

I want to know You and Your risen power-

to know what’s it like to be held in Your heart,

to truly know love in the depths of my being

to love them with Your love –to know how to start.

 

Break my heart free from the prison of comfort.

Help me to press on to Your upward call,

giving up all that lies back there behind me.

Teach me to love, Lord, for You can do all.

 

A great post written to prisoners to be found here. (Language warning)

http://disciplegideon.wordpress.com/2012/12/12/waking-up-from-the-nightmare/trackback/