Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant— I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever. (Psalm 73:21-26)
A humble wise man once requested that if God is bringing you to a time of removing old habits and ways of thinking, please die quietly. God has been working on a major character flaw I was oblivious to until others finally became so frustrated with me they had to stop being subtle. I did not respond kindly. I have not been dying quietly. I’ve been torn up inside and lashing out like a senseless illogical wounded animal. It feels like submitting to surgery without anesthetic, this putting to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within me. It involves removing a coping mechanism that has helped me survive some pretty horrendous memories and letting go of it makes me feel very alone and weak and vulnerable. It has been firmly entrenched behind thick walls for a long time – a stronghold. Today my heart literally aches and my spirit is on wobbly legs. In myself I have no ability to cope with this kind of pain. None at all. But God is still faithful and still good. When I read these verses this morning I was reminded that He is the strength of my heart. My thoughts need to be on the realities of heaven where Christ, the Lover of my soul, sits by my Father who wants only to raise me up to be who He sees me to be. Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. (Colossians 3) Here’s the thing. Jesus’ love makes me want to be a better person. I know he loves me just the way I am, but he also loves me too much to leave me this way. So… here we go.
Charis: Subject to Change 
Sealed with His sweet kiss of compassion and His firm grip. ♥
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What a beautiful image. Thank you, Nancy.
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Die quietly. I’m not sure what to think of that. I think you are being blessed by the courage of friends who love you enough to bring this problem up. And I think you are showing great courage by walking through the process of accepting/submitting/changing. But don’t be too quiet about it, please.
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They are courageous, for sure. I’ve been through this before, and I always think I’m done. Silly me. It’s not so much like layers of an onion as going around in deeper and deeper spirals. He gives us a rest and then goes deeper. God’s timing. I trust him.
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Funny thing–or not so funny, but interesting–this is what my Lent is about too. Except that it is God who has pointed it out to me in no uncertain terms. Surrender is all I can do at the moment, and let Him tend me with His angels while I am in this desert, not trying to fix anything, but letting His love wash over and over. Now this is not a new thing for me, but what IS new is that I’m at peace with being in this desert–I’m not happy about it, but I am at peace. Peace be with you sister.
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Wow. I love that you have peace. Grant her even more, Lord. And joy.
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Praying for you, change isn’t easy. May God give you strength, comfort and confidence in how He views and cherishes you. I find Zephaniah 3:17 a comfort when I need reminding of my identity in Jesus. Pam
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Thank you, Pam. You are like a tree with deep, deep roots. Your steadfastness is an example of courage right there.
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Yes yes yes! This is SO good
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You are familiar with this journey?
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Could you tell me what version of the Bible you are quoting? some great thoughts . Thanks.
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Sorry. I should have added that. These are from the New Living Translation.
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Charis, I think we die many small deaths on this journey that is filled with a lifetime of change. He is not finished with us until we meet Him face to face. I believe it is a continual surrender, and each time, it brings us closer to the One who created us. Each time, we become more and more in His image. Stay connected to the Spirit in you; transformation is about changing your heart and mind to please Him. Allow Him full reign there, not just your friends. That is where the peace is.
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You are a wise woman, Susan.
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Oh, pshaw. Just a few more years on the planet, and a few more deaths behind me. 😉
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Grateful for your testimony.
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Being the clay and allowing the Potter to have His way is not easy nor painless, but necessary if we are to become all that He has envisioned. His loving hands and soothing words make the process easier.
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Tis grace hath brought us safe thus far, and grace will lead us home.
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Amen! “Were it not for grace…”
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