I wish I had learned this many years ago. It could have saved me a lot of frustration, grief and disappointment. This is wisdom.
Five principles to live by when helping others:
1- Never work harder on someone else’s problem than they do.
2- You can’t help someone who doesn’t have a problem.
3- If you solve a problem for someone instead of with them, you will only have to do it again.
4- If someone asks for your help you have permission to ask them about ALL the details of why and how the problem occurred.
5- Helping someone who refuses to repent [change] is dumb.
-by Kris Vallatton.
I would also add: You have the right to ask if anyone has tried to help before and where they are now.
Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone. (1 Thessalonians 5:14)
Charis: Subject to Change 
Very true in many ways.
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It keeps coming back to trusting God, doesn’t it?
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Ohh, these are so true. My mother was always a very generous and helpful person – almost to a fault. There were two families that we helped out a lot, families that at times should have known better. We really ran the risk of totally ignoring the above-listed rules and being totally abused. This, even though we asked the Lord every time we did something for them.
It hurts when you want to help someone who really needs it but you can’t do it because the Lord says, “Enough.” I’m sure the thought came from him that said we couldn’t “be God to them” – nor should we try to be. Not only would they be looking to us as “God”, but he couldn’t fully do what he needed to do in / with / and for them under those circumstances.
Only God can walk you through some of these situations so you don’t become either totally jaded or totally snookered. Maybe it’s that same walk between legalism and cheap grace, only much narrower and more treacherous.
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Oh, how we need wisdom. Teach us to love like you do, Lord!
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